Signs of an Insecure Employee
Insecurity can be difficult to separate from personality quirks, cultural differences, and even a fear of risk. But when employee behavior starts lowering morale or negatively affecting projects, here’s what to look for: hesitance to take on responsibility and a fear of doing the wrong thing an inability to ask for help and/or take critical feedback defensiveness or a tendency to blame others a need for external validation
Praise your coworker for what they do well.
This can really help boost their self-esteem. Make your compliments genuine and specific to this coworker's talents. If this person puts themselves down and you disagree with their criticism, encourage them to see their own skills. If you're a supervisor, make sure you give positive feedback to this employee whenever you can to up their confidence and help them continue to improve. Maybe your coworker prefaced a point they made with, "This probably doesn't make sense." Encourage them by saying, "That makes perfect sense. You make an excellent point." You don't have to give the person constant reassurance, but a few positive comments throughout the week can really help someone feel better about their performance.
Help them out when they need it.
Offer to help your coworker if they're struggling. Do so in a respectful, casual way so that they don't feel like you're being condescending or pointing out their flaws. Conversely, boost their faith in their own talents by asking for their help with something. Offering and asking for help fosters a trusting, collaborative atmosphere. That way, your colleague can realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses in the workplace, not just them. Say something like, "When I first started in this role, I had a really hard time with the database system. Let me know if I can ever help or answer any questions!" To ask for help, try, "I'm struggling a little bit with this PowerPoint project. Your PowerPoint in the meeting last week was great. Do you have any tips?"
Be patient with them.
Building up confidence takes time. If you're managing an insecure person or working alongside them, try your best to exercise compassion and understand it may take some time for this person to improve. Keep encouraging them with positive feedback, especially if you're a supervisor, and trust that their self-esteem will improve as they get better at the job. If your coworker puts you down or takes out their insecurity on you, try your best not to take it personally. You by no means deserve to be mistreated, but it can help to remember that this person's behavior has nothing to do with you.
Spend some extra time getting to know them.
They may be insecure because they're shy or new to the team. If you have time, take a few minutes out of your day to ask this coworker how they're doing. Take an interest in their hobbies outside of work, what is currently going on in their life, and what they enjoy about the job. If they see you as an ally, it may help diffuse their insecurity. Next time you see them in the break room, say something like, "Hey Alex, I heard you just got a new cat. Have you decided on a name?" Even a brief "How's your day going?" by the water cooler can really show that you care and improve someone's confidence. Over time, this can help establish trust between you and this coworker. This can make them feel more secure in their position on the team.
Balance helping them with taking care of yourself.
This person's insecurities shouldn't affect your performance at work. Working with an insecure person can take a toll on you if they rely heavily on your reassurance or take out their feelings on you. If you're stressed out at work because of them, pause to take a few deep breaths. Spend some time away from them with coworkers that make you feel good. Remind yourself why you like your job and what you are grateful for despite this potentially difficult situation. If you need some time to yourself, you might tell them, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've got a lot of projects that I need to focus on today. I'm going to need to get back to my work!" They might try to make you feel guilty for needing some time away from them. If they do, try your best to brush off this behavior. Focus on your work and the things that make you happy. You've done nothing wrong. Taking care of yourself can help you be more effective when you work with your coworker. By meeting your own needs first, you won't feel so stressed and will have the tools to assist them. Practicing self-care can also prevent you from internalizing your insecure coworker's behavior or taking it personally.
Limit your communication with them if it's affecting your own work.
If their behavior is toxic, avoid them as much as you can. You're under no obligation to help or spend time with someone who is mistreating you. Keep your conversations with this person brief and only talk about things that are related to work. Be respectful to keep things civil, and set firm boundaries. If they ever do something that makes you uncomfortable, like giving a backhanded compliment, politely excuse yourself from the conversation. Don't entertain passive aggression. Say something like "Thank you for your feedback. I've got a lot of work to finish up, so I think I have to get back to my desk" and be on your way. Sometimes insecure people try to build up their confidence through gossip or taking others down. If this coworker does this, don't engage. Change the subject or leave the conversation instead.
Make expectations clear if you're in charge.
They may be unsure of how to complete certain tasks. If you are a manager, give detailed and specific instructions on what is expected of them. Offer to answer any of their questions, and be willing to put in some extra time explaining things to them. If you're a colleague and working on a project together, answer any questions they may have. You might try delegating tasks among the two of you so that you both know exactly what you need to accomplish. This can help the employee feel more secure doing the work on their own.
Address their performance privately and directly if you're a supervisor.
If their insecurity is hurting workplace performance, tell them and be honest. Talk privately with the employee in a compassionate, respectful manner about their insecurity and cite specific ways in which their insecurity is hurting both themselves and their coworkers. Provide solutions so that the employee leaves the interaction feeling empowered to improve. Be very sensitive when discussing this issue, as it may be hard for an insecure person to receive constructive criticism. Try prefacing your feedback with some compliments on things they do well first. Start with something like, "I'm always so impressed by how passionate you are about this work." Follow that with your feedback, i.e. "It would really improve your performance if you were a little more receptive to your coworkers' perspective in meetings. Sometimes working as a team means listening to another point of view." If they continue to struggle with no improvement, you may have to address the issue with them again. Though it may be tough, sometimes the role may just not be a good fit. Be honest with them and yourself if that is the case.
Talk to your supervisor or HR if the problem escalates.
Do this as a last resort. If you have tried to coexist peacefully with your coworker and their insecurity is getting in the way of your ability to work, bring up the subject respectfully with HR or a supervisor. They can help mediate the issue and potentially give that employee resources to handle their insecurity. Bring in specific examples of how this coworker's insecurity has affected your morale and work performance. For example, if they get defensive anytime you try to bring up feedback, cite how this affects the efficiency and outcome of group projects.
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