What Is Roster Dating? Everything You Need To Know

What does the dating slang term “roster” mean?

A roster is a "list" or group of people that you’re seeing casually. Roster dating typically involves 3-4 casual partners, but numbers can vary. The people on a roster can all potential prospects for a permanent partner and it's a way to explore your options efficiently. A roster can also just be a casual thing if you like variety and aren't looking for anything serious. Many people like roster dating because it helps them avoid getting emotionally attached to a single person. It can also help curve expectations and keep dating from getting serious too quickly. It’s common to have roster partners that fulfill different needs, like someone who can stimulate you mentally, another person to be physical with, and someone to take you on exciting dates.

Do people actually roster date?

Yes, roster dating is a common way for people to casually date. Many people are dating casually these days and keeping their options open. They may be in search of a permanent partner or just looking to get their feet wet in the dating scene. Among Gen Z, it's commonly assumed that you’re dating around and potentially keeping a roster unless otherwise specified.

Tips for Building a Roster

Start by seeing 2-3 people before you expand your roster. When you first start out, see a smaller number of people so dating won't overwhelm you or take up all your time. Keep in mind that these are people that you'll be dating consistently (usually going on multiple dates), so ask yourself how many people you’re comfortable juggling.

Choose different partners that can fulfill different needs. With roster dating, you have the luxury of choosing all types of partners and getting a feel for what's out there. For example, you may want to have one partner who takes you out on extravagant dates, another who you do creative activities with, and another who you go to for physical intimacy. When building your roster, consider what you want out of dating and look for people who fit the bill. Dating coach Suzanna Matthews suggests dating multiple people to keep your prospective relationship partners varied and to avoid keeping all of your eggs in one basket.

Communicate your expectations and consider their feelings. Not everyone is into casual dating. The person you’re talking to may be looking for something more serious or may not appreciate being part of your dating "lineup." To avoid leading anyone on or creating confusion, communicate your expectations early on and let them do the same. Although it’s easy to assume that everyone is casually dating, that doesn’t mean you should avoid telling them about what you expect out of your relationship. Try to manage your expectations and keep in mind that the people you're seeing may have rosters of their own!

Pros & Cons of Roster Dating

Pro: It allows you to diversify your options and find a good fit. When you roster date, you’re exposed to all different types of partners. This level of exposure gives you the opportunity to see what works for you and what doesn’t work. You may find that you prefer a partner who takes charge and handles their business, or that you prefer a laid back partner who gives you space. Knowing what type of partner you want makes it easier for you to find someone that you’re compatible with. You'll also learn a ton about yourself in the process.

Pro: It gives you an opportunity to build relationship skills. When you’re seeing multiple people, you have more chances to express your emotions and be vulnerable. This allows you to have a variety of relationship experiences and increase your relationship skills, leaving you better equipped to settle down once you find the right person. Strengthening your relationship skills and becoming more emotionally comfortable can also boost your confidence!

Con: It may cause more stress and emotional turmoil. Roster dating means you have to juggle more people’s emotions and expectations, which can be confusing and uncomfortable, especially if expectations aren’t clear. This is in contrast to those who have no roster, who often report feeling less stressed and having more time for themselves. Some say roster dating requires too much effort and they prefer to put less energy into finding a partner. For example, on September 28th, 2024, @officialmsharper posted a TikTok video where she talked about how she prefers to be loyal and keep one partner rather than keeping a roster.

Con: It can decrease or devalue emotional connections. Dating multiple people can spread you emotionally thin. You my end up having less of a desire to be there for your partners emotionally, which can end up hurting their feelings and hindering your chances of building strong connections. You can also end up with emotional burnout, leading you to unintentionally push your partners away.

Other Roster Slang Terms

No roster Having no roster means that you aren't talking to a group of people and are remaining single. People with no roster often feel stress-free and relieved from the dating scene. On social media, many people have said that when they have no roster, they feel less stressed and have more time for themselves. Others have said that they prefer to remain loyal and not have to put as much energy into finding a partner. For example, on September 28th, 2024, @officialmsharper posted a TikTok video where she talked about how she prefers to be loyal and keep one partner rather than keeping a roster.

Off the roster The phrase off the roster means that someone is no longer a part of your roster. It is typically used when you're expressing that you're no longer talking to someone you used to be into. For example, if you cut one of your romantic interests off because they said something that rubbed you the wrong way, you'd say something like "Oh him? I took him off the roster." Off the roster is also used in a popular meme on TikTok. Many users have remade @erinandaish's TikTok video from August 29, 2021, where she said "Oh, you don't like girls that are tatted? Take me off the roster" while showing a tiny tattoo on her thumb.

Over the roster Over the roster means that you're over everyone on your roster. When you're over the roster, you may start to look for new dating prospects and pull back from the ones you're talking to. When you cut things off with members of your roster, dating and relationship coach Mark Rosenfeld says it’s best to be honest and genuine rather than spare their feelings, as it’ll let the person know what they’re doing wrong.

Final Takeaways

A roster is a group of 2-4 potential partners that you're currently dating. A roster typically consists of 3-4 people who all fulfill different needs. When you're building a roster, start with 2-3 people who can fulfill your physical, mental, and emotional needs, communicate your expectations to them, and take things slow. As you begin to roster date, you may see a boost in confidence and relationship skills. It's important to remember what you're looking for when roster dating, as it can also lead to more stress and emotional turmoil. Roster dating can even devalue your relationships and spread you emotionally thin. There are many pros and cons to roster dating, so it's important to weigh your options before deciding whether to build a roster or not.