Recognizing Signs of Sarcasm in Conversation
Consider your relationship with the person. Sarcasm is more likely to come from friends, close acquaintances, or other people that you often joke around with. If you don't know someone very well, it can be hard to determine if they're being sarcastic. However, this can also mean that they're less likely to joke or use sarcasm with you. People tend to avoid sarcasm in professional situations, so it’s unlikely that your boss or colleague is being sarcastic. If they are, they may not be behaving appropriately in the workspace.
Assess if the speaker is feeling stressed or tense. You may notice sarcasm after something bad happens, when someone is making a mistake, or when the speaker feels irritable for whatever reason. Someone may also make a sarcastic comment after another person points out something obvious. These comments may come off as critical or condescending. If something annoying happens, they might say, "That's just what I need right now." If something expected happens, they may reply, "Who would have thought!" If a person makes a mistake, they might say, "Oh, really good job!" If someone points out something obvious, the person may say, "Wow. Did you figure that out for yourself?" If their spouse is being messy, the person may say, "I just love getting to put your things back where they belong. How else would you be able to then toss them on the floor?"
Pay attention to overly positive or negative language. Exaggerated statements in either direction are often a sign of sarcasm, especially if the person is responding to a question that they find obvious. For example, you might say, "You probably don't want to pull an extra shift, do you?" The person may sarcastically respond with, "Yes! There's nothing I'd love more than to pull a double on my day off."
Recognize verbal cues like dramatic changes in pitch. Someone may drop their pitch and deliver a sarcastic statement in a monotone voice, also known as “deadpan.” For example, they may respond to someone else’s excitement by saying, “Yay,” in a low, bland tone. Listen for other verbal cues that indicate someone means the opposite of what they’re saying, such as: Raising pitch in mock excitement: "I can't believe you're asking me out if your other date falls through! I'm so lucky!" Drawing out a syllable: “I reeeally like it,” “You’re sooo welcome,” or “Greaaat.” Over-emphasizing a word: “I got this gorgeous olive and orange sweater for my birthday.” Sighing and muttering, e.g., giving a heavy sigh before speaking or inaudibly muttering under their breath.
Look for nonverbal cues like eye-rolling or exaggerated facial expressions. A sarcastic person may roll or widen their eyes, look away, exaggerate their eyebrow movements, smirk, or have a disgusted or bored expression. If they’re using sarcasm, the dismissive facial expression should be at odds with the literal meaning of the words they’re saying. For example, they might say, "Sure! I love giving up my free time to help you move." If they roll their eyes or look away on love, they’re probably being sarcastic. As another example, if someone says “Well done!” with a genuine smile, they’re probably being honest. If they’re grimacing while they say it, they’re likely using sarcasm. If someone looks disinterested or bored while saying something that should be exciting, like “I can’t wait to go to the wedding next week,” that’s another example of sarcasm.
Read the person's gestures and body language. If their gestures seem to imply the opposite of what’s being said, that’s a good sign the speaker is being sarcastic. For example, if someone dramatically throws themselves on a couch while saying, "I'm on it. I definitely won't waste any time taking the trash out," they're probably being sarcastic. Other common sarcastic gestures include enthusiastically giving a thumbs-up sign or slow clapping when the person is actually implying the opposite meaning. Reading body language can tell you a lot about what a person is thinking—having their arms crossed, for instance, may tell you that they’re already feeling stressed or frustrated.
Ask someone if they’re being sarcastic. If you can’t tell whether someone’s being sarcastic, simply ask them! Say something neutral like “Are you being sarcastic?” or “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.” These open-ended questions allow the speaker to explain themselves and may give them a moment to self-reflect if they were being rude or condescending.
Recognizing Sarcasm in Emails or Texts
Expect sarcasm from people you know well. Since you won't be able to listen to the person's voice or watch their facial features, you only have a little information to go off of. Consider how likely the person is to joke sarcastically with you. The less you know a person, the less likely they are to be sarcastic. Keep in mind that if you're exchanging professional emails with someone you don't know, they're unlikely to be sarcastic. However, if you're texting back and forth with an old friend, they may send a sarcastic message.
Look for emojis that show the opposite emotion of the message. Someone may attach an emoji to their email or text message to express the opposite of what they’re writing. Treat these face emojis as the kind of facial expression your friend would be making in person. If your friend is on a bad date, for example, they may send: “This date is going so well, we have so much in common,” with an upside-down smiley face (????) or neutral face emoji (????).
Read bolded or italicized words the same way you’d hear an emphasized word. Instead of listening for someone to stress a certain word in a sarcastic way, check the email or text for bolded or italicized words. These are meant to stand out, so they change the tone of the message. For example, some might respond to a text or email saying, "Of course, I'd love to watch your favorite movie for the fifth time. I'm sure we'll get around to my choices sometime next year." The writer might also put exaggerated words in parenthesis after a sentence. For example, "I can't believe the kids don't want to go back to school (wow!)."
Read emails, texts, and social media posts for the hashtag #sarcasm. Sarcasm can be difficult to detect on social media, but some hashtags remove the guesswork. #Sarcasm is an obvious indicator and you might also see #Not Really or #Fantastic. "Let's make this week great!" seems sincere, but adding #sarcasm to the caption or post changes the meaning.
Understanding & Dealing with Sarcastic People
Sarcastic people use sarcasm to cut down others in a subtle way. Many sarcastic comments poke fun at people instead of being patient or empathetic. When someone uses sarcasm, they’re subtly implying that other people are unintelligent, incompetent, or otherwise inferior. Sarcastic people are generally very intelligent and clever, but they may value showing off their quick wit at the expense of other people’s feelings. However, many people use sarcastic humor in a lighthearted manner with friends and loved ones—it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re unkind or selfish. The Friends character Chandler Bing, for example, is known for using sarcasm in his jokes and humor, like when he complains about having to attend a rehearsal dinner by saying, “I’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner. I rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.” While this type of sarcastic humor could still be perceived as rude or unkind, close friends are likely to laugh and shrug it off.
Confront people whose sarcasm you find rude or uncomfortable. Some people always use sarcasm and don’t even think about how it might affect others. Even if everyone else is laughing along, you don’t have to deal with a sarcastic person; you have every right to say that their comments are hurting your feelings or otherwise bothering you. If you want to talk to someone about their sarcasm, life coach and psychophysiology expert Nicolette Tura recommends asking them if they have time and space to have a conversation with you. This person likely uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism for when they’re uncomfortable without even realizing so, when you sit down together, “start with gratitude and appreciation,” says Tura. Saying something like, “‘I love our friendship…you make me laugh. It’s just that sometimes I feel overly sensitive and uncomfortable…Maybe you didn’t know. How do you feel? What can we do about it? Because I want to continue this friendship.’” If the person you want to speak to is a boss or teacher rather than a colleague or friend, it may be better to go to your Human Resources department or speak with a school administrator.
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