How to Keep Your Mind Off of Something or Someone

Talk or write about it to get it out of your head.

Externalize your thoughts in a diary or with a close friend. Sometimes ignoring those thoughts altogether only makes them worse, like shaking a can of soda before opening it. Allow yourself to worry, if only for a little while. Do this by writing about your thoughts in a journal, or expressing them to a trusted family member or friend, or even just say them aloud while you’re alone. You may find that getting your thoughts out of your head and into the “real world” lends you some much-needed perspective. Also, studies show that when people wrote down their thoughts on a piece of paper and then threw the paper away, they mentally discarded the thoughts as well.

Let yourself worry for a short amount of time.

Set a timer for 20 minutes, when you can worry freely. This is the only time each day when you’re allowed to focus on your unwanted thoughts. When the timer or alarm goes off, shout "Stop!" That's your cue to empty your mind of that thought. Think of one intentional thought (the beach, a peaceful forest, etc.) and keep your mind fixed on that image or thought for 30 seconds. If the upsetting thought comes back during that time, shout "Stop!" again, or move on to another activity on this list to take your mind off it. Stand up when you say "Stop," or snap your fingers or clap your hands. These actions reinforce the "Stop" command and further interrupt your thought. EXPERT TIP Chloe Carmichael, PhD Chloe Carmichael, PhD Licensed Clinical Psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.” Chloe Carmichael, PhD Chloe Carmichael, PhD Licensed Clinical Psychologist Try coming up with a mental shortlist of 5 things you know your mental energy would be better spent on. Then, when you catch yourself thinking about the thing you don't want to think about, turn to something on your mental shortlist instead.

Distract yourself by spending time with friends.

Call or hang out with a friend to keep your mind busy. Life coach Rahti Gorfien says that “one thing that can help is getting out of isolation” by connecting with other people. In fact, laughing with a friend has a positive effect on your brain itself, reducing stress-related neurochemicals and boosting positive chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. Ask your friend to talk about their own life or their own problems if you don’t want to talk about yours. Hearing their troubles may help you feel better about your own position.

Exercise to focus your attention on your body.

Get moving to boost your mood and banish bad thoughts. Whenever you find yourself caught in negative thinking, stop and do 5-10 pushups, or do jumping jacks for 30 seconds, or something similar. These bursts of physical activity work to “reset” your brain and disrupt harmful patterns of thinking with positive endorphins, which in turn helps you move on with your day. Also, regular exercise for extended periods, like a daily 15-minute jog, helps to relieve chronic anxiety, stress, and even depression. Remember to also drink plenty of water and eat 3 square meals a day! Keeping your body nourished also nourishes your mind.

Do a puzzle or play a game to distract your mind.

Do something mentally strenuous to cut off negative thoughts. Read a book, watch a movie, or listen closely to an album you love. Challenge yourself mentally by completing a Sudoku or crossword puzzle, solving complicated math problems, or following a complex set of instructions, like with a recipe. The mental focus it takes to do these kinds of activities leaves you with no time or mental energy to think your unwanted thoughts. Or, give yourself a long-term goal, like finishing a long novel or completing a big craft project, to make sure you always have something to turn to.

Practice relaxing self-care to calm your brain.

Practice mindfulness or do something indulgent. When you find yourself worrying, be mindful: take a few deep breaths—10 seconds in, then 10 seconds out. Identify each of your 5 senses: what do you hear, smell, touch, see, and taste right now? Then, roll and relax your shoulders. These relaxing practices help realign your body and bring you back to the present moment. Also, meditate for 10 minutes each day to train your mind. Sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and focus only on breathing. You might also help yourself to a bubble bath, sauna, face mask, or another “treat” to remind yourself that you don’t have to wallow in negative thoughts.

Remind yourself that thoughts don’t define you.

Forgive yourself for thinking distressing thoughts. Your thoughts don’t make you a bad person, and suppressing your thoughts can have a negative effect on your mental health. In fact, one study found that participants who practiced acceptance were less obsessive, had lower levels of depression and were less anxious than those who tried thought suppression. Certified therapist Samantha Fox says to validate your feelings, ask yourself if you can learn from them, then thank them for their message. For example, you might think, “It’s normal to worry about my family’s safety, and I’m grateful for the reminder that I love and care for them. Now it’s time to think about other things.”

Explore and question your negative thoughts.

Remind yourself that the worst-case scenario isn’t always that bad. When we’re worrying about something or someone, it’s often fear that troubles us. But most of the things we’re afraid of never actually happen, or aren't as bad as we think. Remind yourself of the reasons your fear is unlikely to happen, and think about what you’ll do in the slim chance that it does happen. For example, if you’re worried about a test, remind yourself, “I probably won’t fail because I’ve been studying hard, and I’m a smart and capable person.” Also, think of it as a lesson, like, “If I do fail, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll talk to my teacher about how to improve, and study harder for the next test.”

Give your thoughts time to pass.

Remember that things clear up with time. Time is the best medicine, take it from us. One day you’ll wake up, and these negative thoughts will just be a memory, and you’ll wonder why you worried so much. Until then, it may be best to let yourself feel your feelings until you’re naturally ready to let go of them. Ask yourself: Is this something I have any control over? If not, try to remember that what will be will be, and there’s little use in fussing over it. If you do have some control, ask yourself what you can do right now to make things right, and get to work! Even small actions can help you feel less stressed and more empowered.

See a professional to work through your feelings.

Talk to a therapist if your thoughts are overwhelming. There’s no shame in recognizing that sometimes we need help understanding and navigating our own minds. If you feel hopeless or overwhelmed, consider talking to a therapist, who can offer expert insight and mental health strategies to help you manage your own internal life.