How to Develop a Friendly Tone of Voice

Changing Your Speaking Patterns

Breathe from your diaphragm to control your voice. Making your tone of voice friendlier requires you to be aware of how fast you talk and how high and low your voice gets. Use strong breaths from your abdomen for better control. To check if you’re breathing from your diaphragm (the muscle that sits right below your lungs), watch yourself in the mirror while you breathe in. If your shoulders and chest rise, you’re taking shallow breaths without using your diaphragm. Practice using your diaphragm by placing your hand on your abdomen and pushing it outward while you breathe in.

Vary your vocal pitch. Don’t speak in a monotone voice. Instead, make your voice both high and low as you talk. Stressing important words in your sentence with a higher pitch reassures listeners, while lower pitches can inject calmness into your conversation. End questions on a higher pitch and statements on a lower pitch. If you end statements with a high pitch, you’ll sound like you don’t believe what you just said. The best way to keep up a friendly tone is to have varied pitches while you talk. You don’t want to have a totally high-pitched conversation, as people might think you just inhaled a helium balloon. A completely low-pitched conversation, however, could make your listener think you’re uninterested in your chat with them.

Speak slowly to keep people engaged. When you speak too quickly, you sound like you just want your conversation to be over and done. Instead, speak slowly to allow your listener to hear every word you say. This will tell them you actually want to be there talking to them. You don’t need to take thirty seconds to get out every word. Be aware of your speed, and you’ll naturally slow down. Add some pauses to let your listener keep up with you.

Use a softer voice to avoid sounding aggressive. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re being yelled at by someone. Keep your voice at a level that allows people to hear you without shouting at them. Breathing from your diaphragm will help with this problem. These controlled breaths let everyone hear you without making you work too hard to push out the sound. Any time you’re struggling to make yourself heard, you’re probably going to end up shouting, which won’t sound friendly.

Avoid mumbling to keep your listener from getting confused. If you’re not clearly articulating every syllable of each word, your listener might not understand you. Worse, they may think you’re saying something they can’t hear on purpose. This could make them confused and frustrated. Practice good articulation by saying tongue twisters to yourself for five minutes each morning or night. For example, say these as fast as you can while still keeping the words clear: “James just jostled Jean gently. Jack the jailbird jacked a jeep,” “Kiss her quick, kiss her quicker, kiss her quickest,” and “The shrewd shrew sold Sarah seven silver fish slices.”

Record yourself to practice your changes. Use your smartphone or a camera to take a voice recording or video of you while you speak. Pay close attention to the pitch, speed, and loudness of your voice. Make improvements after each new recording.

Having a Friendly Conversation

Smile to appear and sound approachable. When you smile, your face opens up and stretches. This automatically makes your tone friendlier. Smiling will also make your conversation partner feel comfortable being around you. Practice smiling while you talk by standing in front of your bathroom mirror and saying a few sentences with a big grin on your face.

Keep your body open and posture straight to be inviting. Uncross your arms and straighten your shoulders and back. Don’t slouch in the middle of a conversation. Instead, use your body language to look welcoming and positive. If you feel like your arms are flopping awkwardly next to your sides while you’re chatting, lace your fingers together in front of your body. This is still more inviting than crossing your arms over your chest.

Listen attentively to show empathy. When you have a conversation with someone, it’s important to show interest in what the other person has to say. Nod and keep your eyes on their face while they’re speaking to you. By showing you care, you’ll keep up the friendly tone of the conversation even when you’re not the one doing the talking. Ask follow-up questions based on what they’ve said to keep your friendly chat going. For example, if they tell you they have a cat named Chloe, you could say, “I love animals! How old is Chloe?”

Keep the conversation balanced so you’re both chatting. Maintain a back-and-forth with your conversation partner. Don’t tell a story that takes an hour to get through. Instead, use the conversation to learn about each other or get updates on how both of you are doing.

Offer genuine compliments to be kind. Be friendly in what you say in addition to how you say it. Share a nice thought about the other person. Avoid making things up just to be nice, however, as it’ll sound fake. Avoid gossiping and don’t complain too much. These habits will quickly turn a friendly, positive conversation into a negative whining session. Be careful with your pitch when you compliment people. If you go high on the wrong words, you’ll end up sounding sarcastic. For example, saying “I love those earrings!” with a really high-pitched “love” might make your listener think you’re making fun of their jewelry.