Short Funny Dad Jokes
We try not to tell Dad jokes…but when we do, he cracks up! "A good dad joke feels like it comes from someone who cares," observes comedian Manuel Garavito, "like a father figure being playfully silly. It’s not imposing or edgy; it’s more like, 'Here’s a sweet little joke I thought you’d enjoy.' That’s the spirit of a dad joke—gentle, innocent, loving." What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. What’s Forest Gump’s password? 1Forest1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised. Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All the fans left. Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass? It could crack up. How do poets say hello? "Hey, haven’t we metaphor?" How did the burger introduce his wife? "Meat Patty." What’s the smartest insect? A spelling bee! How does a rabbi make his coffee? Hebrews it. What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour. How do you throw a space party? You planet. how do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket. Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar? They each got six months. Why can’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant. What type of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad! Why are snails slow? Because they’re carrying a house on their back. What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip. How does the ocean say hi? It waves! What do you call an ant who fights crime? A vigilANTe! “Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.” Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast. Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through. Which building in New York has the most stories? The public library. Expert Answer Q Here's one of my go-to dad jokes. Expert advice Roy Cohen Roy Cohen Trivia Expert Roy Cohen is a trivia expert and host, also known as That Trivia Guy, based in California and New Jersey. Roy is the creator of Team Trivia, a professionally hosted custom-designed game where teams compete against one another in a game of mental agility. Roy is the author of books on trivia and alternate learning strategies in math, including "That’s Interesting", a book filled with 100 trivia questions and answers with additional interesting anecdotes. He volunteers at local schools teaching math in his free time and previously had a 30-year career on Wall Street. He received a BBA in Finance from Baruch College. Roy Cohen EXPERT ADVICE Answer from Roy Cohen: I say, "I don't know if you've noticed, but they're putting speed bumps in the parking lot." And people go, “They are?" I respond, “I was against them at first, but I'm slowly getting over it." It's a groaner, but it always gets a reaction.
Short Silly Jokes
These jokes will induce some groans, but they're super goofy! What's the best thing about Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus! If you liked that silly joke, you'll love these: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? Because it was cultured. Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood. What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets. How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see their wheels turning. Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-Morse code. What do cows do on date night? Go to the moo-vies. Why did the soccer player take so long to eat dinner? Because he thought he couldn’t use his hands. Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand? A palm tree! What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation. What did one math book say to the other? “I’ve got so many problems.” What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? "Bison." Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent. What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse. Why is a football stadium always cold? It has lots of fans! What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me? Why did the strawberry cry? He found himself in a jam. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles. What kind of math do birds love? Owl-gebra! Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling. Where does the sheep get his hair cut? The baa-baa shop! Why do French people eat snails? They don’t like fast food.
Short Corny Jokes
Try one of these short and totally corny kneeslappers. What's a cat's favorite dessert? Keep on reading to find out the rip-snortin' punchline! Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time. What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on a head. What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train. Why did the M&M go to school? It wanted to be a Smartie. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer. How does a vampire start a letter? “Tomb it may concern …” What do you call a guy who’s really loud? Mike. How do you count cows? With a cowculator. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells! What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they are such fungis. Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one! What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A bowl full of mice-cream. What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it. Check out these some pickle puns that are, well, kind of a big dill. What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear. What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip. Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw! What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A bowl full of mice-cream. Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their butt quacks. What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
Short Cheesy Jokes
These jokes are just dripping with cheese! And maybe some corn, too? What's the difference between a corny joke and a cheesy joke? You tell us! A plane crashed in the jungle, and every single person died. Who survived? Married couples. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? In the piano! What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? “Freeze. You’re under a vest.” What social events do spiders love to attend? Webbings. What is a room with no walls? A mushroom. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? “Freeze. You’re under a vest.” Why did the blue jay get in trouble at school? For tweeting on a test! I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case. Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their butt quacks. What did one pickle say to the other? "Dill with it." Why couldn’t the leopard play hide-and-seek? Because he was always spotted. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs. How do trees get online? They just log on! Why are elephants wrinkly? Because you can’t iron them. Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed. What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen. Why don’t the circus lions eat the clowns? Because they taste funny! What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot! Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Short Funny Jokes for Kids
These jokes are perfect for youngsters. They're hilarious, appropriate for all ages, and they're easy to remember! Any young amateur comedian can memorize these jokes for their next talent show: What’s small and red and has a rough voice? A hoarse radish! What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny. What did 0 say to 8? “Nice belt.” What’s orange and sounds like a carrot? A parrot. Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away. What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer? The space bar. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador. What do cows say when they hear a bad joke? “I am not amoosed.” Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.” How did the two cats end their fight? They hissed and made up. A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.” How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream. What did the lava say to his girlfriend? “I lava you!” What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck. What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business! How does Moses make tea? He brews. Sandy’s mum has four kids; North, West, East. What is the name of the fourth child? Sandy, obviously! Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet? Because he always got lost at “C.” Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s faster than walking! Which superhero hits home runs? Batman! Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally. What do you call two bananas on the floor? Slippers. How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k? HDMI. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback. What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his phone? Snapchat. What did the lettuce say to the celery? Quit stalking me!
Short Funny One-Liners
Crack up your pals with these hilarious one-liners. These jokes are so short, many of them are only a single sentence—but they'll still leave you laughing your butt off! Best of all, they're super easy to memorize, so you can pull out a silly one-liner whenever the situation calls for it: There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king, but a great ruler. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve. I invented a new word! “Plagiarism!” Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage. RIP to boiling water. You will be mist. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something. Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?” I hate Russian dolls—they’re so full of themselves. The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21. I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy. People are always shocked when they discover I'm a really bad electrician. My father always said, "When one door closes, another one opens." He was a very wise man, but a terrible cabinet-maker.
Short Funny Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? WikiHow! The knock-knock joke is a classic joke framework—and because the formula is so famous, knock-knock jokes are super easy to remember! Knock, knock! Who’s there? A pile-up. A pile-up who? Oh no, yuck! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alice. Alice who? Alice fair in love and war. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Control Freak. Con… OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?” Knock knock! Who’s there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke through the peephole and find out. Knock knock! Who’s there? Ken. Ken who? Ken I come in? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo! Knock knock! Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Art. Art who? R2-D2, of course! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don’t open the door? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel, that’s why I knocked! Knock, knock. Who’s there? An extraterrestrial. An extraterrestrial who? Wait—how many extraterrestrials do you know? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open, or am I stuck out here? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Says. Says who? Says me! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it’s not working! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anna. Anna who? … Anna partridge in a pear tree. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Honey bee. Honey bee who? Honey, bee a dear and get that for me, please! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie thing you can do, I can do better! Knock, knock! Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn't know you could yodel!
More Jokes
Keep the good times rolling with these other wikiHow joke articles! Dad jokes, knock-knock jokes, why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road jokes—we got 'em all! Check out these joke articles to tickle your funnybone: "355 Dad Jokes to Get the Giggles Going" "Funny Text Jokes: 45 Short & Hilarious Jokes to Send Your Friends" "75+ Hilarious Pirate Jokes, Puns, & One Liners" "60+ “Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road” Jokes for Kids and Adults" "200+ Silly Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Adults"
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