Dealing with Your Own Teen Pregnancy
Visit a pregnancy resource center. Centers like Planned Parenthood, or The Women's Center, offer confidential services to teens such as pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, information on teen pregnancy, sex education, and post-abortion support. Navigating pregnancy at any age can feel overwhelming, but it may feel especially confusing and scary during adolescence, and these centers are judgment free and can help you develop a plan. You can find your local pregnancy resource center by searching online or looking in the yellow pages.
Confirm the pregnancy as soon as you think you are pregnant. Pregnancy tests that you take at home are very accurate, but it is always best to confirm your pregnancy with a doctor. Schedule an appointment with an OB/GYN to have a test done at the doctor's office. The doctor will also let you know how far along the pregnancy is, and what the possible options are. Pregnancy resource centers can offer you free pregnancy tests that will confirm your pregnancy.
Tell your parents. Telling your parents can be one of the hardest things about finding out you are pregnant. It may be terrifying to not know what their reaction will be when they hear the news, given that there’s a wide range of emotions and thoughts that are likely to come up as a parent to a pregnant teen. Don't let this fear stop you from telling them. The sooner you let them know, the better. The best way to go about doing this is to be direct and honest. Here is a way you can start the conversation: "Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you about something important. I am pregnant and I need help." Once you break the news, answer all of the questions they may have for you with honesty.
Be prepared for mixed reactions. When you tell your parents the news, you will have to experience their fresh reactions of just finding out. If your parents have a negative reaction, remember that it will be okay. They may get angry or emotional at first, but with time, they will get better. Remember, they will be hearing this news for the first time, in front of you, and they do not get to prepare for how to handle their initial reactions.
Build a support system. Tell your parents, family members, or your school's counselor for emotional support. It can be very difficult to share this type of information, but it is important to let someone close to you know immediately. No matter what decision you make about the future of your pregnancy, you should allow someone to help you through it.
Inform the father. Don't feel like you have to handle the responsibilities of your pregnancy alone. It is important to involve the father and his parents. Whether or not you decide to move forward with the pregnancy, you can receive emotional, or financial help from the father.
Research your options. Once you know you're pregnant, you should decide how you want to handle the pregnancy. Sit down and have a mature conversation with the father and other persons who are helping you. Discuss the pros and cons of each method. Ultimately, the decision is up to you, and you should not feel pressured by any one person. If you decide that you cannot raise your child, then you need to seek out a doctor or a counselor who can help you figure out the next steps are, whether that be looking into adoption or abortion. Abortions need to be performed within a certain time of pregnancy. Your doctor will let you know if abortion is an option for you, if you decide this is what you want. Beware, this can be a traumatic experience. Have someone go with you for emotional support or seek out counseling to help you cope with your decision. If adoption is an option for you, remember that you must receive permission from the child's father. Ask your doctor for information about adoption agencies who can walk you through the process.
Take advice. There are many decisions that need to be made concerning a new baby, and the smart thing to do is listen to someone who has been through it. Consult trusted adults, nurses, and midwives, and listen to what they have to say. Ask them about the different birthing options, financial costs, and what to expect. This will help you decide on what's right for you.
Being a Supportive Parent of a Pregnant Teen
Remember that it is okay to feel overwhelmed. Many emotions flood through your body when you find out your teenage child is expecting a baby. Your mind is running through the many difficult challenges ahead of your family and that can be scary. Go ahead and let yourself feel upset, but try not to do it all in front of your child. Find a family member or friend who can help you with the initial shock of the news. Ask them to help you talk to your daughter. It can be helpful to first give yourself time and space to be able to privately identify and process your first reactions.
Be supportive. While you may be angry and upset, your daughter is most likely feeling very scared and alone. Your daughter needs you by their side during this time more than ever. It is emotionally and physically necessary for your child's health to remain as relaxed as possible during the pregnancy. Try to avoid making your daughter feel shameful for getting pregnant because it will not reverse what is already done, and it will worsen the situation. The most helpful approach a parent can take will be one that is rooted in compassion, support, and reassurance that you will be there to guide them as they navigate this experience. Here are some possible things to say to your daughter after you find out: "I need you to tell me when you found out, and who the father is, so we can figure out what to do next." "I need some time to think about what the next step is going to be." "We are going to figure this out together. Everything is going to be okay."
Ask your daughter what her wants are. While you may want to intervene and make the decisions as the adult, you have to listen to your daughter and respect her wishes. It is very important that your daughter is comfortable with the choices made. Even if you do not agree with her choices, you can still support her. Ask your daughter, "What does your heart tell you to do?" or "Which option do you feel most comfortable with?" Find a counselor to help you and your daughter make a decision together. Having a counselor present can help keep the conversation constructive with unbiased perspectives.
Give advice and help your daughter explore options. While you can't force your views on her, you should lead your daughter to valuable resources and support centers. It is important that you help your daughter make the best decision for her, without having too much influence over what is decided. Go through all of the options and possible scenarios, pointing out the pros and cons for your daughter. This will allow your opinion to be heard, but will also give your daughter the chance to have all of the information to make her own decision.
Focus on the future. Hearing the news that your teen daughter is pregnant can be devastating. You may be asking yourself why this happened, or have fears about what this all means. It is important for you to remember that a baby is a beautiful thing, and there is no shame in pregnancy. While this is unexpected, and will come with many struggles, you should focus on the future and not dwell on the past. Teenagers make mistakes, and they need to learn how to grow from those mistakes. This is a crucial point where your teen needs your support and guidance more than ever.
Teach your child the skills to become independent. While you may need to assist your daughter financially, emotionally, and give great advice about parenting, you also have to teach her how to be a self-sufficient adult. You can't always be the one to make the doctor's appointments, fix dinner, or do the laundry. Make sure your daughter is prepared to take care of not only herself, but her child too. Allow your daughter to make future doctor's appointments, and have her read baby books to help prepare her for motherhood.
Understand your place and role in your child's life. When the baby comes, it may feel only natural to act as the parent to the new baby. It is important that you maintain your role as the grandparent, and allow your daughter to act as the primary caretaker. Your daughter has to learn how to rely on herself.
Take part in your daughter's medical treatment throughout the pregnancy. You need to make sure your daughter is receiving proper prenatal care to ensure a healthy labor, delivery, and baby. Go with your daughter to her appointments, and support her during this journey. Be sure to start your daughter on a daily prenatal vitamin as soon as you learn about her pregnancy.
Explore adoption with your daughter. If your daughter decides not to keep the baby, and would like to look into adoption, help her with the process. Remember that your daughter's baby is her responsibility, and the most important thing for you to do is support her decisions. Your daughter will still be going through a pregnancy, and will need to stay healthy physically, and emotionally. Choosing adoption can be a great option for teenage girls who are not ready to raise a child. Find support for you daughter to help her through the grieving process that comes along with adoption.
Support your daughter during an abortion. If you daughter decides that having an abortion is the best option for her, it is important that you stand by her side. This can be a traumatic experience, not just during the procedure, but after, and your daughter will need your love and support. Be sure to talk with your daughter after the procedure, to check on her well-being.
Seek out support for yourself. You won't be able to support your daughter if you are not being supported. Find someone you can talk to, and get advice so that you can be clear headed when helping your daughter and grandchild. You can talk to a friend, family member, or maybe a therapist. Just find someone you can trust and open up with.
Planning for the Future
Apply for government programs for help. Programs like medicaid and WIC, can help to cover medical bills, food expenses or anything associated with the baby. If approved for the assistance, you will get a weekly allowance to spend on necessities that will make the pregnancy easier to handle. Oftentimes, there is additional support for teens through planned parenthood centers that help them find jobs, finish high school, and go to a vocational school or college.
Do not feel obligated to jump into marriage. Having a baby does not mean that you have to marry the father. Before you make any decisions about moving in with the father, or getting married, talk to your family and get their input. They will help you make the best decision for you and your baby. Being raised in an unloving or resentful marriage, can be harmful to your child's emotional development. You and the father may decide to raise the child together, without getting married. This is called joint parenting, and it allows you to come up with a system that meets both of your needs, as well as the baby's needs.
Set goals for your future. The dreams you once held for your future may have to be set aside for awhile, or change slightly, but they don't have to disappear. There should still be a goal to work towards. Whether that is staying in school, getting a job, or starting trade school, talk to your parents and figure out what your plan for the future now looks like. Graduate from high school. Having an education will help you become independent and allow you to support your child.
Be ready for change. If you decide to raise your child, learn about all the ways your life is going to be different. You will need to prepare financially, mentally, and socially for your new baby. There will be a lot of new things for you to learn about child care, and you need to be responsible about it. Pregnancy resource centers will help you plan for your future, so that when the baby comes, you will be prepared. These centers will talk to you about how much time you will need to dedicate towards your baby, and how much money your baby will cost you every week. The more you plan for your baby, the better off you both will be.
Receive emotional support. If you decide not to raise your child, consider seeing a therapist to help you through this time. Whether you decided on having an abortion, or you chose adoption for you child, you may experience a heavy, emotional loss. It is important for you to realize that things might be hard for a while, but with help and support, you can get through this experience.
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