How to Deal With Sharing a Room With Your Sibling

Sharing the Space

Create physical boundaries. For some siblings, it’s enough to name what in the room belongs to which person. Others need physical reminders of the separation such as labels, dividers or even duct tape. The room belongs to both of you, but being clear on which part is yours and which part is theirs will give you one less thing to argue about. If boundaries are a real issue, consider stringing a curtain across the room to divide it in half and give the illusion of privacy.

Divvy up the furniture. Decide who will use which items in the room and agree on what will go where. If possible, buy two of everything. Choose who gets which drawers, use of the closet, the desk, and any other pieces of furniture. If your room doesn’t have a lot of storage space, buy plastic shelving or under-bed rolling storage bins for both of you.

Divide up responsibilities. Make a schedule that shows who will pick up the room, who will take out the trash, and who will vacuum and dust each week. If you are also sharing a bathroom, make a cleaning schedule that divvies up responsibilities fairly. Talk to your sibling about their responsibilities and your preferences this will minimize conflict between the two of you.

Find a private space. Sometimes you feel like you just need to get away from your sibling. If you can’t create any private space in your room, look for another spot in the house to get some alone time in. Perhaps a corner in the living room, the kitchen table, or a nook near the pantry are usually deserted. Claim your spot so your sibling can’t use it as well.

Getting Along in Close Quarters

Be respectful. You love your sibling, but you don’t always like them. No matter what happens when sharing a space, you can choose to be kind and respectful to your sibling. Even when tensions are high, remember that they are a person with desires and needs that are different than yours. Respect their privacy by not reading their email and texts. Speak to them respectfully, and disagree with their actions without bashing their character. Share the space by agreeing on how many friends can come over, when other people are allowed in, and what to do when one of you is on the phone.

Set bedtime expectations. Agree on quiet hours. Your sleep schedule is bound to be different than your siblings, but try to walk and close the door quietly when they are sleeping. Use a white noise machine and invest in earplugs and a sleep mask.

Don’t touch their things. It’s tempting to pick up the pen on their desk or throw on a shirt from the floor, but if you know it isn’t yours, resist the temptation. Don’t “borrow” anything without permission, and don’t intentionally steal anything that belongs to them. Only use things that have been clearly communicated beforehand.

Be flexible. Things are bound to be misplaced or messy, your sibling will have a friend over, and you will want to go to sleep at 8 pm while they are playing video games. Having rules, boundaries, and responsibilities will help you avoid many conflicts, but when unexpected things happen, keep your cool. Use statements such as “What do you think about letting me know Johnny is coming over in advance next time instead of me finding him in our room?”

Be supportive. Your sibling has needs, desires, and problems, just like you. Assume the best, because almost all of the time, they aren’t actually out to get you. When you see them upset or stressed, talk to them and try to lighten the mood. Show empathy and try to understand their point of view. Be cooperative and helpful by occasionally picking up after them, bringing them tissues when they are sick, and turning off the lights when they go to bed.

Talk through conflicts. Frustrations are bound to come up when sharing a room, but holding them inside won’t help either of you. You will have conflicts throughout your life, so learning how to problem solve, apologize, and resolve them with a sibling will benefit you for the rest of your life. Instead of bottling pent-up anger, take some deep breaths while you notice how you feel and consider what you would like to change. As often as you can, negotiate, compromise, and look for win-win solutions. Admit to your part in any conflicts and make commitments to changing your behavior in the future. Make up quickly so problems don’t keep getting worse.

Have fun together. Sharing a room doesn’t have to be a chore. Do activities you can enjoy together, like playing video games, dressing up, or watching Netflix. Laugh at inside jokes. You won’t share a room with your sibling forever, but you can have fun while you do!