- Sometimes, we act petty and immature after a break-up. Your ex may be blocking you to hide their shame, or just to rile you up.
- Your ex may be blocking you to honor their therapist's advice or the needs of their new partner. Try to respect these boundaries, even if it hurts.
- Blocking an ex after a break-up is healthy (and often temporary). Your brain and heart need the time and space to emotionally recover.
They need space.
It’s healthy for people to take space after a break-up. After your brain has become accustomed to a romantic relationship, it needs time to detox and transition away from that level of emotional intimacy. This might be what your ex is doing, but try not to take it personally. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but you deserve to feel emotionally freed too. Your ex is likely detaching for their own well-being by giving themselves space to emotionally recover. It’s wise to follow your ex’s lead and take some space from them too. This can be difficult at first, so enlist the help of a friend you can confide in when you get those initial desires to reach out.
They’re trying to move on.
Your ex probably cared a lot about you, so getting over you will take effort. Blocking you might give your ex a tangible gesture to prove to themselves that they’re serious about getting over you. This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends at some point, but right now your ex might be still wrestling through their feelings for you. Because of this, they need to keep you out of their mind (and their phone). If you’re struggling to move on from your ex in the same way, try and remember the bad times that caused your break-up in the first place. While these memories may be painful, they’ll help you dispel the “what could’ve been” fantasy and allow you to stop thinking about them.
They think you’ve moved on.
If you initiated the break-up, your ex might try to match your energy. It’s rare that a break-up is truly mutual. But if you’re the one who decided you and your ex should stop seeing each other, they may be trying to reciprocate and show that they’re on board with this new dynamic by adding a digital layer of distance. If your ex thinks you’ve moved on, but you haven’t, communicate that. Obviously, communication can be difficult if they’ve blocked you so consider relaying this message to them through a trusted, mutual friend.
They’re still healing.
Break-ups are painful, and your ex might be trying to find relief. Believe it or not, your brain actually creates neural pathways when you have a loving bond with someone. When that bond is severed, you neurologically process the emotional pain just as you would physical pain. Your ex may not be emotionally or physically healed yet and they’ve blocked you to protect their happiness. To help yourself heal, treat this break-up as you would an external injury. Drink lots of fluids, get lots of rest and avoid situations that may stress your heart, physically or emotionally. By taking care of you, you might find that your break-up feels easier to manage.
They feel guilty.
Break-ups can get messy, and your ex might not like how they acted. Losing a relationship is painful and, whether we like it or not, it’s normal for us to say or do things we regret when we’re in pain. If this sounds like your ex, they might feel guilt or shame for how they handled the break-up, so they’ve blocked you as a form of hiding. If you feel guilty about your behavior during your break-up, try writing out a letter of apology. Whether they receive it or not, the process is cathartic and seeing your actions written in front of you will stop you from exaggerating your shame.
They need to stop themselves from reaching out.
Not everyone is great at controlling their impulses. If your ex knows they act before they think in moments of vulnerability, then they know it’s likely they’re probably going to send an “I miss you” text or, worse, leave you a drunk voicemail (possibly while crying over a pint of ice cream). That’d be humiliating and unfair to both of you so they might've blocked you as an extra measure of security. If you're worried about doing this yourself, distraction is another great way to stop yourself from regretfully reaching out to an ex. Immerse yourself in a new hobby, TV show, or fitness routine next time you feel like texting them.
They want you out of their life.
Sometimes, an ex might block you to put the past behind them. Your ex may have blocked you as a final form of closure. They don’t want to hear from you and they don’t want you in their life. It’s valid to feel sad (or even outraged) about this, but know it’s what needs to happen for you both to stop holding each other back. As the saying goes: “the truth will set you free, but first it’ll make you mad!” It’s so frustrating when you feel like you can’t get closure, but try to look internally. Often, closure rarely comes in the form of other people, but from the work we put into our own recovery. You can't control how your ex feels, but you can control how you respond to their feelings.
They’re still heartbroken.
If your ex is still in pain, they may block you to avoid feeling hurt. Maybe they felt the relationship was perfect and are really struggling with the loss. Maybe the time away from you has made them realize how truly wounded they are by your break-up. Either way, you likely serve as a reminder of their heartache, so they’ve decided to cut you off temporarily. Remember: it is not your responsibility to heal your ex’s pain. You are not their partner anymore and your happiness is always first priority. Let them have their space, and go enjoy you life, like you deserve to.
They want to hurt you.
Sometimes, the people we love (or used to love) act petty. If you were in a relationship for a while, your ex likely knows what will push your buttons. If they’re hurt, they may have blocked you just to make you feel the same pain that they feel. While there are healthier ways to cope with emotional pain, sometimes people lash out instead of looking inward. Your ex might be one of those people. As difficult as it may sound, try not to engage if this sounds like your ex. The bigger your reaction, the more power they’ll feel like they have over you.
They want to “win” the break-up.
Break-ups are not competitions, but some people see them that way. In recent years, the concept of “winning” and “losing” a break-up has been floated around in sitcoms and lifestyle magazines. Break-up "winners" are seen as the first to move on after a relationship ends. Your ex may have blocked you because they’ve subscribed to this belief. However, considering how immature and childish it is, it might not be good to keep some distance from them anyway. Remember, everyone heals at their own pace. The goal is not to move on faster than your ex. It’s to emotionally recover at a speed that feels safe and comfortable for you.
They don’t want to see you without them.
Your ex can’t visualize a world where you’re not together. Given how photo-heavy social media is, it’s inevitable that, if you two follow each other, you’ll eventually see pictures of the other thriving. Maybe it’ll be alone. Maybe it’ll be with a new boo. Your ex might not be able to stomach seeing that after your break-up, so they’ve denied their access to you altogether. Do not feel obligated to curate your social media around your ex’s well-being. It's awesome that you're trying to be respectful, but at the end of the day, you don’t owe them anything. Post what you want!
It’s a scheme to get back together.
Blocking you might just be part of your ex's scheme. If your ex has a habit of manipulation, blocking may be another tactic they’re using to get a reaction from you, generate a conversation, and influence you to get back together. Good news: this means they still have feelings for you. Bad news: if your ex is this manipulative, they’re probably not a trustworthy partner. There’s nothing wrong with getting back with your ex. Lots of happy couples have broken up and made up. Just make sure your decision to do so is rooted in honesty and mutual respect for each other (and not feelings of jealousy or guilt).
Their therapist told them to block you.
Most therapists recommend ending contact with an ex. Having an old partner in your life can prevent you from entertaining new possibilities, stifle your healing process, and feed a constant loop of past mistakes. Your ex may have done the healthy thing and gotten professional help to deal with your break-up. They’re listening to experts’ advice on what’s best for them. Though blocking an ex can be helpful, if you don’t feel a need to, don’t do so out of obligation. While several experts believe it’s healthy, the healthiest strategy is simply honoring your own wants and needs.
Their new partner told them to block you.
They may be respecting their new bae’s needs. Even if your ex is totally cool with you being in their life, their new partner might be jealous and ask them to cut you off. While it’s unfortunate that a third party may be causing this chasm between you two, it’s important to respect this boundary. Try not to judge your ex's new partner. While a snide comment to your friends privately is totally valid, comparing yourself to their new partner in any way is unlikely to serve your happiness in the long run.
They’re hiding something.
Perhaps there’s something online they don’t want you to see. It may be a subtweet. It may be a post that confirms they’re not doing too well. Either way, your ex definitely doesn’t want to talk to you about it so they’ve limited your access to it altogether. It sucks, but you both have a right to your privacy. Try not to immediately assume the worst! If your ex was trustworthy in your relationship, then it’s likely they’re hiding something that’s personal to them, rather than hostile to you. When in doubt, ask a friend about your ex’s profile. They’ll be able to tell you if your limited access to their profile is any cause for concern.
It was an accident.
It’s unlikely—but your ex might've blocked you by mistake. Maybe they were forlornly looking at your profile, and accidentally pressed the “block” button. Maybe they wanted to simply “mute” you and their thumb over-corrected. There’s a chance this blocking could be totally unintentional and it’ll be remedied soon. Even if it was an accident, don’t assume and ask them to correct their error from an unblocked account. It’s super frustrating, but you'll both be more likely to heal if you do so at your own pace.
You were too toxic.
It’s hard to hear, but no one is a perfect partner 100% of the time. Were you jealous? Controlling? Manipulative? Overly-confrontational? If those sound like you, this break-up might be what your ex needed to finally cut that negativity out of their life. They might've blocked you for their own well-being. We all have toxic traits we’re trying to improve. Instead of beating yourself up, focus on ways to do better in future relationships.
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