CHENNAI: The third pride march in Chennai heralds the beginning of a few ‘firsts’. We have long been hearing about the man-to-woman transgenders (trans-women). For the first time in Chennai, the woman-to-man transgenders (trans-men) opened up, as they shared the story of their lives.Dinesh (22), a self taught artist and writer, is a science fiction junkie from Chennai. On first sight, he would come across as reticent somber young guy. But when one actually gets to talk to him about arts, he is instantly transformed, ready for an animated conversation.Born as a daughter to parents who separated at a very early age, Dinesh as a child was adopted by his single aunt (mother’s sister) who works as a professor at a city college. Fearing that he could be abducted by his enraged father, Ashok was privately taught at home. He never went to school and did not have many friends of his age.Dinesh said, “Till the age of eight, I think I was gender free. I kind of grew up in social isolation. I did not have many friends, as I never went to school.” At 12, Dinesh began to realise that he was different from little girls his age. “I knew I didn’t sync with the rest of the gender (girls) though for others I looked like a girl.”He added, “I always loved wearing tees and jeans, and at times my mom used to tell me to wear frocks. Sometimes she would choose accessories to dress me up. But every time I would wear those girls clothes, I felt I was dressing up like a drag. I was thinking I was in clothes that girls wear, as I perceived myself as a little boy who ought to wear shorts, jeans and tees and smart shoes.”And then at 13, puberty hit Dinesh. He described it as the worst phase of his life. “After puberty hit me, with every passing day, the disconnect between who I thought I was in my head and what my body was shaping up to be was becoming too much to handle.” He said, “It was my grandma who first accepted me as a guy. When she first used — ‘da’ to address me as they do for boys, I was thrilled. For my grandmother, I was her grandson.”Dinesh says he is now working on his mother to completely accept him as he is. Once that happens, he is planning to go for a sex reassignment surgery to get closer to the male ideal he carries in his head. Till then, he is focused on pursuing his creative interests and is now working on a science fiction series, which even has one lead character who is a trans-man.Talking about the difficulties people like him face, he said, “We are often mistaken as women. And if someone addresses me as a guy, I will be very happy.” Though his gender identity is a man, he is sexually attracted to other cute boys and sometimes girls as well. Talking about the small dating pool people like him have, Dinesh joked, “For heterosexual women, I am not man enough. For lesbian women, I am too much of a man, which I think is a credit. At least they recognise us men.”Dinesh has an important message for other parents, “Please use proper gender pronouns at home. Please don’t say to your child, ‘I understand your issues but how will society accept it?’ I want to tell all parents, if you accept your child as they are, society will eventually accept us for who we are.” He said, “There are hardly any trans-man characters in TV serials and movies. It would be nice to have role models whom we can identify with. I think the visibility of trans-men is very less. I hope it increases with time.”Astitva (23), another trans-man, also went through similar turmoil like Dinesh. An engineering graduate who works with one of the top software companies in Chennai, Astitva said, “I am happy I have a good job and I am self sufficient. Next month, I plan to go through a sex reassignment surgery and become a complete man. I hope to tell my mom about it, though she knows that I am not like other girls.”Astitva identifies as a young man but at work place, but people still treat him like a girl. He says, “It hurts me every time someone treats me like a girl, while I am a man in my head.” Astitva is lucky to have a few friends who accept him for who he is.(Names changed to protect privacy)
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