Times have changed and we are passing through a period when we need to forge the closest bonding possible with our children and more so with our adolescents. To bring out the best in our children, we should let our children bathe and splash in the pool of parental love. It is often said, ‘excess ghee will not spoil the kheer.’ Love will never spoil your son. It is the failure to discipline him that spoils him. When your little daughter of four spills milk on the floor for the third time, you become angry. You feel like giving her a nice spanking. But, wait a moment. Instead, why not hand her a towel and a mug of water and ask her to clean up the floor? Let her feel the pinch of cleaning up the mess. Likewise, when your son breaks the flower vase, give him the adhesive and tools to fix it. When he fumbles, you can step in and give a hand. When children are made to feel the burden involved in remedying a wrong, it will make them think.All the same, when your little son falls down from a forbidden staircase and cries out in pain, never commit the blunder of giving him a bonus beating; he is taking his lesson for defying his mom already. Now what he needs is your comforting. Overdose of discipline can backfire with bitter results. Well then, as your son grows, he needs freedom. But how to dispense it? Concede him freedom in small doses, yet ensure that he uses it in a responsible way. Compliments & commendations are the best catalysts for sound emotional growth. Children crave for them.Yet, there is the risk of children becoming one-sided or skewed personalities. Sensible balancing initiatives on the part of parents can make them well-rounded, balanced and complete human beings. Take your son to the huts and cottages of poor people around you who struggle to make a living as also to the bungalows of your rich neighbours. Let him see how you socialise with people big and small assigning honour to both. You are training him in fairness in dealing with others. Let your daughter learn how to tie the electric fuse and wash the car from her father while your son learns to cook and do the dishes from his mother. In future, as husbands and wives, they will be more accommodative to their mates. Let your son play with his peers. But train him up to cut across the age barrier and mingle with those of his parents’ age with ease. Make him unlearn the habit of making fun of others, but learn that of admiring others for their strengths. Create an atmosphere at home where your adolescent feels free to ask you anything under the sun without the least inhibitions. If you care, sure enough, your children will get a firm footing in emotional maturity that will safeguard them from many a pitfall in future. Remember, life’s most important lessons are not discussed in classrooms. Parents have to teach their children these lessons extracurricular: How to live with little and still be happy and content, how to make failure a blessing, how to prevent success from getting into one’s head, how to endure pressures with resilience, how to stand by one’s principles without offending others, how to build up friendships in an unfriendly environment, how to find more happiness in giving than in receiving.Life has taught us many lessons; often we learnt them the hard way. Our children need not start all over again - let them draw from what we have learnt and steer their destiny. Whether you are a father or mother, by word and deed, play out your role as the mentor of your child. No one can take your place, the role is unique and non-negotiable.(The writer is Manager, Zonal Office, Federal Bank, Ernakulam)
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