- Someone who has a shallow personality is superficial and doesn’t think very deeply about important things.
- Shallow people are often materialistic or overly concerned with physical appearances, and tend to get into a lot of drama.
- People with shallow personalities also tend to be judgmental or self-centered, and have trouble forming meaningful relationships.
What is a shallow personality?
Having a shallow personality means to be superficial or not thoughtful. When something is “shallow,” it means it’s only surface-level, not intimate, or, to put a finer point on it, not very deep. A shallow person or personality, then, is someone who’s only concerned with things that are on the outside, or which aren’t very profound—money, looks, social status, etc. This also means that a shallow person tends to not be very interesting. Example: “He stopped watching the movie because he said the actors weren’t pretty. I guess he’s just got a shallow personality.”
Signs of a Shallow Person
They’re a little too into drama or gossip. You can probably think of someone who’s always at the center of some fiasco. A shallow person tends to seek out drama as a form of fun, and that probably has something to do with biology. Drama or confrontation releases adrenaline and cortisol, which give you quite the rush. It could be that superficial people look for that rush by stirring up controversy instead of seeking pleasure or fulfillment elsewhere, like in a deep conversation. Don’t get us wrong, gossip has its place, and who doesn’t love a little hush-hush talk now and then? But for a shallow person, it’s usually all gossip, all the time.
They tend to be materialistic or obsessed with trends. It’s a common complaint in the dating pool: “They’re only into him (or her) because he’s rich.” A shallow personality tends to gravitate toward money, expensive clothing, high-end trinkets like phones, or whatever else satisfies their craving for material wealth, since they don’t value other things, like experiences or solid relationships. Just because somebody likes nice things, it doesn’t automatically make them shallow. But if they need the latest gadget or clothing line, even when they already have the last one? Red flag.
They’re overly concerned with looks. Shallow people tend to be fussy about their appearance, or prioritize good looks in their friends or partners. In fact, one study shows that materialism, a classic superficial trait, goes hand-in-hand with superficiality about appearances—men who valued wealth also prioritized looks in possible partners. Prettiness tends to be something that’s easy to identify, which makes it appealing to shallow people who might not want to look much further than someone’s appearance. If you’re trying to decide if someone is shallow, have a look at their friend group. Do they surround themself only with people you’d consider conventionally attractive? If yes, that’s a big hint that they could be shallow.
They’re judgmental or self-centered. A shallow personality doesn’t try very hard to see things from another point of view. They lack empathy, which is the ability to relate to other people and their problems. Instead, a shallow person chooses the easy route: being judgmental. They can’t understand experiences other than their own, so they turn up their nose rather than try to sympathize. For example, a shallow person might assume that someone with a little body odor must be unhygienic, instead of stopping to consider that maybe they just went for a run and didn’t have time to shower, or might even have a condition that they can’t help.
They lack emotional depth. Talking to a shallow person can sometimes feel like talking to a wall. Their reactions might feel bottled or prepackaged. Or, they just don’t seem to show or talk about their own emotions. It could be that they’re uncomfortable exploring them, or that they just haven’t thought much about them, and so they don’t have much to say. Shallow people are human, too, and do feel emotions just like everyone else. Those emotions just tend not to surface in conversation.
Your conversations with them aren’t very interesting. Shallow people have shallow conversations. A shallow conversation tends to be one that avoids personal details (beyond the materialistic things) or revealing too much of one’s own inner life. Instead, when you’re talking with someone who’s superficial, you’re probably talking about the latest product, celebrity gossip, or anything else that doesn’t require too much brain power. Also, shallow people tend not to ask you very many questions about yourself, since they’re more concerned with their own lives. Shallow people also tend to avoid topics like politics, morality, or tough philosophical questions. These things may not interest them, or they haven’t thought very much about them.
They don’t seem to listen to what others have to say. A deep or thoughtful person often listens to other people more than they talk themselves. But a shallow person often talks without having a whole lot to say, or just plain doesn’t pay attention when other people are speaking. To them, if they’re not the one doing the talking, it’s probably not important. If you do find yourself in an important discussion with a shallow person, they might ignore or purposefully misinterpret your words in order to avoid thinking critically about their own viewpoints.
Their relationships are mostly selfish or aren’t meaningful. Selfish people often have trouble connecting to others beyond surface-level things, or their interactions don’t often move beyond formalities or pleasantries. In addition, the relationships they do form are often for their own personal gain, or because the other person can provide something they don’t have, like money, social status, or attention. This also means that their relationships are short lived, whether they’re friendly or romantic.
They’re narrow-minded or don’t think very deeply. Part of being a well-rounded or thoughtful person is examining your own beliefs, or giving the beliefs of others real consideration. But someone who’s shallow is comfortable with their current way of thinking, and doesn’t really want to form nuanced opinions on difficult matters. They tend to think more or less the same things they thought years ago, with little growth. Also, shallow people tend to believe whatever they’re told, without taking time to investigate themselves. They’re especially susceptible to misinformation on social media.
They’re preoccupied with being liked by others. Sure, it’s sometimes important that other people find you agreeable, but being obsessed with other people’s opinions of yourself, like a shallow person is, can be downright unhealthy. But a superficial person values social status and popularity over substantial qualities like kindness or understanding Similarly, they often seem nice on the outside, but you know better. They work hard to maintain a pleasing facade, but tend to be a little mean on the inside. When all is said and done, they might throw you under the bus if it helps them.
Dealing with a Shallow Person
Treat them cordially and with kindness. Shallow people are difficult, we know, but that doesn’t make them inherently bad people, just a bit unpleasant. The best way to interact with a shallow person is to meet them where they’re at. Listen attentively, stay calm, be polite, and try not to be judgemental (remember, that last one is a sign of a shallow person). Being confrontational or rude won’t do either of you any good. Also, remember that you can leave the conversation at any time if you feel uncomfortable. A quick, “Oh, sorry, but I’m on a tight schedule,” makes for an easy and polite excuse to get out of there.
Ask them about their personal life or interests. You don’t have to “cure” a shallow person, but moving the conversation a bit deeper can make your own experience a bit better. Ask them things that move past surface-level conversation, like, “What are you grateful for right now?” or, “If you had one question about your future for a crystal ball, what would you ask?” Some shallow people just might not have many opportunities to talk about profound things, so do them a favor and ask! You might also ask questions like, “What are you passionate about lately?” or, “What gets you excited?” They might not have the most profound answers, but it steers the conversation toward the personal, which tends to be more interesting. Don’t press them to answer questions they don’t feel comfortable with. Shallow people deserve respect, too.
Set boundaries about what you will and won’t talk about. It’s easy to get pulled into an unpleasant conversation when talking to a superficial person, particularly gossip or drama. Set firm boundaries to avoid getting pulled into the drama yourself. If the conversation becomes petty or judgmental, say something like, “Sorry, I don’t feel comfortable talking about this,” or, “I don’t like talking about other people that way. Can we talk about something else?”
Becoming a Deeper Person
Read books or movies outside your comfort zone. Research shows that reading challenging fiction improves your empathy, as well as other areas of your psychological development. Reading non-fiction or watching profound films, too, can help you expand your mind, which helps make you a deeper and more profound person. The key is going off the beaten path—a blockbuster might not challenge you in a way that makes you think more about yourself. If you don’t know where to start looking for challenging books or films, ask your local librarian! Your library is a great resource, and employees there are eager to recommend titles based on your tastes.
Talk to a diverse range of people. When you encounter new people, you’re also encountering new perspectives and viewpoints that help to make you a more well-rounded person and develop a good personality. After all, being content with staying in your own head is a shallow trait. Go someplace new to talk to new people—join a sports club, attend a concert, or see if your local community college or community center offers free classes. Start the conversation with something like, “What do you think of this place?” People often have opinions on their surroundings, and it makes a nice ice breaker.
Ask lots of questions in conversations. It’s easy to skip across the surface of a conversation without thinking too hard about the things being said. But when you ask questions, you probe deeper into the topic, as well as into the person you’re talking to. As a result, your own understanding grows, and you become a much better conversation partner, in the process. Start by asking “why”: “Why do you think that?” or, “Why did that happen?” People tend to enjoy talking about themselves, whether they’re shallow or not, so don’t be afraid of ever asking too many questions. Just be sure to ease up a bit if the other person becomes uncomfortable.
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