Reading Body Language
Notice the amount of eye contact. People’s eyes can be very expressive and tell a lot about how they’re feeling toward those around them. Friends will make eye contact with each other during conversation to show interest and respect. Someone with a crush on you will make repeated eye contact with you whether in a conversation or not. A crush may hold eye contact for a few seconds, and then look away from shyness, and find your gaze again later. Dilated pupils are another indication of a crush. Someone who’s in love with you will feel totally comfortable locking gazes for extended periods of time.
Gauge proximity. The amount of space people choose to place between themselves and others can be an indicator of their perceived relationships with those around them. Someone who is your friend will stand or sit closer to you than an acquaintance. A person with a crush on you will stand near you, lean toward you, and look for reasons to get closer to you- whether it’s intentionally walking past you at a close range, or leaning in closer than necessary to talk to you. People who are in love will stand or sit very close together- perhaps their hips touch when standing side by side or their knees touch when sitting across from one another.
Monitor movement. Our movements, whether conscious or unconscious, can convey lots of different meanings about how we feel about those around us. Friends will tilt their heads while in conversations with other friends to show that they’re listening. They may touch each other in light, casual ways on the hand or arm. Someone with a crush will look for reasons to touch the other person, often in a playful and flirty way. They may seem fidgety or nervous, and may subconsciously begin to copy the movements of their crush. Someone who is in love with you will seem very comfortable and secure around you. They may touch you using gentle, caressing gestures.
Pay attention to posture. The way a person stands (or sits) when they're around you may give you some clues as to how they feel about you. A friend will stand with his or her shoulders and face pointing toward you. If sitting, he or she will uncross his or her legs to show that he or she is open to you. His or her palms may be open toward you as well, another sign of receptivity. When someone has a crush on you, they stand tall and slightly stick their chest out. Additionally, they will point their toes and hips toward you, as a sign of wanting to move toward you (both figuratively and literally).
Listening for Verbal Cues
Recognize vocal tone. The inflection and quality of a person’s voice will change subconsciously depending on the feelings they have toward you. Listen to how someone talks in general, and compare it with they sound when talking to you individually. A friend’s voice will remain constant, with little to no change in pitch or tone. A crush’s voice will have a playful and flirtatious quality to it. Women use a higher pitch to accentuate their femininity. Men use a lower pitch, but alter the pitch, almost to a “sing-song” tone, to both highlight masculinity, and make a woman feel at ease. People who are in love will alter their voices to match their partners’. Men talk in a higher pitch and women a lower one to show that they are connected as one.
Think about how casual your conversations are. A conversation between friends is usually casual and comfortable. Both you and your friend ask and answer questions equally, and may or may not make future plans to hang out.
Notice how much they talk about themselves. If someone has a crush, they will talk a lot about themselves, both from nerves and as a way to “humble-brag.” They will also ask about you, and agree enthusiastically with what you say to make it seem like you have things in common.
Analyze how intimate your conversations are. If someone is in love with you, they will open up to you in intimate ways. You may find out about their deep insecurities and fears, childhood, family dynamics, important personal values, and vision for the future. They may plan future vacations, or invite you to meet family.
Analyzing Your Relationship
Reflect on your relationship. Take some time in a quiet place simply to think about your feelings toward the person in question, and your interactions with them. Some questions to consider are: How long have you known this person? How frequently do you see or talk to them? Is the communication equitable? What is the level of intimacy shared (either physically or conversationally)? How would you characterize your time together? Do you both seem to enjoy being together?
Make a list. If you’re trying to determine whether someone is a friend or a crush, make a “Friend/Crush” list. If you’re figuring out whether someone is in love with you, make a “Like/Love” list. Like a Pro/Con list, record any specific behavior that would indicate how they feel about you. Having a visual aid way may give you more insight into how they feel.
Ask a trusted friend for help. Sometimes our feelings toward someone can cloud our judgment in assessing their behavior. A friend can offer an honest, objective observation of the relationship, and will be less likely to allow personal feelings to affect their understanding.
Asking Directly
Express your feelings first. If you’re asking someone to open up to you, then you need to be upfront with them as well. If you’re looking for honesty, you need to show you’re capable of reciprocating. People are more likely to be direct with you if you’re direct with them. Start with a sentence like, "I want you to know that I feel____________about you/our relationship. I'm hoping you'll be just as honest and share your feelings about me."
Ask in a tactful, non-threatening way. Explain that you’re simply trying to gain some insight and clarity in your relationship, and that you respect their feelings no matter what. It’s important for your partner to know that they can open up to you, without an abrasive reaction. Try saying something like, "I want you to know that I will completely honor and respect your answer, even if it's not the one I want to hear."
Be prepared for the consequences. There’s a chance you and your partner may be on two different wavelengths in terms of your relationship. Their answer may sting a little. Take some time to decide how you want to proceed in the relationship, knowing exactly how your partner feels about you.
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