How to Say No When Someone Asks You Out in Person
Acknowledge his effort in asking you out. Even if the man asking you out isn’t an acquaintance or a friend, try to remember the courage it takes for a guy to ask a girl out. This doesn’t mean you should say yes when you don’t want to; it’s simply a reminder to try and focus on being honest yet kind in your response. Some examples of acknowledging his effort follow here: “I'm flattered you thought of me, but..." "I know it takes a lot to get the courage to ask someone out.." “I really appreciate your taking the time to ask me.” “It’s very nice to receive attention from someone as kind as you…” Keep a respectful distance from him, and smile slightly. Avoid getting too close to him, or using any body language that indicates you might be interested.
Be clear and direct when saying no. The worst thing you can do when you're politely rejecting someone is to give him false hope. It might be hard for him to hear “no” at first, but it will be much better for him in the long run. Remain straightforward and polite throughout the interaction, and you’ll be able to reject him without breaking his heart. Some examples include the following: “You seem like a nice guy, but I just don't like you that way. I appreciate that you thought to ask me.” "Thank you, but I'm not interested in going on a date with you, though I’m sure some lucky girl will be.” “I’m just not feeling a connection, so I’m going to have to pass.” Don't make excuses—you don’t owe them an explanation. Unless it's true, don't tell him that you're in a relationship. Avoid saying, “I just got out of a relationship, and I'm not ready to date.” Even if this is true, it might give him false hope that you'll change your mind, and that's not fair to him. Keep it short; you don't need to give a long-winded rejection just to seem nice.
Answer using a polite tone of voice. It’s possible to reject someone nicely by speaking with an open and warm tone, even while being firm in your answer. Try to make eye contact with him at least once when you are speaking. When you’re saying no to someone in person, it matters how you do it. Things like your expression, tone of voice, and body language can all affect how he perceives your answer. Find examples of a polite and thoughtful tone ahead: “I think you're a great guy, but I just don't feel the same way about you.” “Thank you so much for the invitation, but I have to decline.” Dating coach Christina Jay, NLP suggests something like, “‘Thank you for the gesture, but I'm not open to dating right now,’ as a good way to decline a date, as well as ‘Thank you so much for the offer, but I can't entertain it.’” There is no need to feel defensive about saying no. You have every right to choose who you date. It’s ok to feel confident about giving him an honest, polite, and respectful answer.
Let him know if you want to be friends. If you genuinely would like to be friends with a guy who asks you out, tell him. This will soften your rejection and show him that you value his company, even if you're not interested in him romantically. If you do, make sure he knows that your feelings about the situation aren't going to change if you are friends; you don't want to give him any false hope. Examples focused on being friends follow here: “Sorry, I'm not interested in you in a romantic way, but I know someone else will be. I like talking with you, and I'd love to be friends.” “I don't see myself having romantic feelings for you, but I'd love to be friends!” “I don't feel we're a romantic match, but I think we’d make great friends.” If you don't actually want to be friends with him, don't say you want to be friends. Simply tell him you're not interested and that you hope he has a nice day, and walk away.
How to Say No When Someone Asks You Out Through Text
Respond promptly via text. If someone that you're not interested in asks you out over text, email, or instant messaging, it can be tempting to put off responding to him. It’s better to respond in a timely manner (within a day of his message). Before you respond, first take some time to think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Don't give him the silent treatment and hope he gets the point. The polite way to handle the situation is to give him a response, even if it’s rejecting him over text.
Use “I” statements. When you reject someone, using “I” statements can help keep the rejection about you, so the guy you're speaking with doesn't feel insulted or put down. Some examples with “I” statement follow ahead: “I'm really sorry. I just don't see you in a romantic way.” “I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't see this developing into anything further for me.” “I'm not sure if we are the right match for each other romantically, and I don't want to waste your time.” “I don't think we are a match, but I want to wish you all the best." “I just don't see you that way, but thank you for asking.”
Use proper text etiquette. If you are too informal when you're telling a guy who asked you out that you're not interested, you can come across as rude. Even if you normally text or type in a very casual manner, try to be a bit more formal in your rejection. For instance, include complete sentences and words instead of fragments and texting slang. Instead of “Thx, but I just don’t see u like that,” say, “Thanks so much, but I don’t have romantic feelings about you.”
Remain honest. Often, it is easier to lie over text than it is to lie in person. It can be tempting to come up with excuses to let yourself off the hook, but it’s always preferable to be truthful. Stay honest by avoiding an open-ended answer. Make sure that he won't think you might be interested in the future, so give a guy an answer when he asks you out that is final, but end with something positive if possible. “I appreciate that you asked me because I've enjoyed talking to you, but I just don't have romantic feelings for you. I know you’ll find the perfect girl very soon!” Dating coach John Keegan includes responses like, “‘Hey, I really appreciate that you asked me that. I'm really flattered. But I'm not interested.’ It’s okay just to say ‘I just know we wouldn't be a match in that way. You seem like a wonderful person, but that's where I'm at on that. But thank you so much.’ That's the nicest way to do it.” Dating coach Mark Rosenfeld suggests rejecting a date over text with the following: “Hey, you know, I don't feel the connection between us, and I'm just going to be honest.” This way, “the guy can absorb your honesty rather than worrying about protecting his feelings.”
How to Say No When Someone Asks You Out After a First Date
Speak in a straightforward but friendly way. It is often more difficult to reject someone after a date than it is to reject someone you've never gone out with. Sometimes, though, it takes a date to figure out that you really aren't interested. Examples of how to say no after a first date follow: “I'm sorry. I just didn't really feel a connection on our date. Hope you find someone great!” “It was great meeting you, but I don't feel a spark.” "I appreciate you taking the time to meet. I'm not sure we're a good match, but I wish you all the best.” “Hey. Just so you know, I don't think there's really anything here for me, but I'm glad we got the chance to go out.” Rosenfeld believes that “We focus a lot on not hurting people's feelings. But men need feedback as well. It's okay if their feelings are hurt sometimes, as long as you don't do it maliciously. If it does hurt his feelings, be okay with that.”
Tell him sooner rather than later. Once you know that you're not into a guy, you should let him know. The longer you wait to tell him you don't want to go out again, the more difficult it will become. If you've only been out on a date or two, it's fine to tell him you're not interested in a text message. If you know you're not interested at the end of your first date, go ahead and let him know. Be confident even if you let him down at the end of your first date. It can feel difficult to say no in person, but it’s important to do. EXPERT TIP Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian is a Clinical Psychologist based in West Los Angeles and Glendale, California. With over nine years of professional and research experience, Dr. Mesrobian specializes in individual, family, and couples treatment for young adults and adults. Dr. Mesrobian provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, motivational interviewing, trauma-focused treatments, and other services. She earned a Master's in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University. Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD Clinical Psychologist Being assertive is also important when saying no. It’s part of being confident without being aggressive. Understand why you said no to someone, and how it helps you stand up for yourself. Your emotions and self-care are not something you should be apologetic for.
Keep your distance after you say no. Once you've told him that you're no longer interested, don't keep talking to him. Even if you both want to be friends, it can be good to have a little distance at first. If he continually texts you or is rude to you after you've rejected him, it's okay to ignore the messages. Reader Poll: We asked 1364 wikiHow readers, and 61% agreed that if a person reacts negatively to your rejection of them, it’s 100% okay to be firm in your decision and move on from the situation. [Take Poll] If he does anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, reach out to your parents, a teacher, or the authorities right away. Your safety is the top priority!
How to Say No When Someone Asks You Out On a Dating App
Be clear and concise when turning him down. If you’re wondering how to say no to someone asking you to hang out online, don’t overthink it. There are a lot of options on dating sites, so the guy who asked you isn’t looking to play games. Be genuine, say no respectfully, and be positive so he doesn’t waste his time. Politely decline and wish him well on his online dating journey! Examples of online rejection messages follow here: “Hi there. I appreciate your asking, but I’m not interested romantically. Best of luck out there!” “I’m flattered you’re interested, but I don’t sense a connection. Thanks!” “I know what I'm looking for, and I'm just not feeling it here, but I think you look like a great person who’s sure to find happiness!” Use a generic rejection if you’re not sure how to express why you’re not interested.
Remain polite and kind while answering him. Just because you’re not interested doesn’t mean you have to look down on the guy asking, or make him feel bad. There’s no need to go into detail about why you’re not interested; you don’t know each other, so it doesn’t do him any good to know he’s not the right type for you. When politely declining a date online, simply let him know you’re not interested while saying thank you for getting in touch. Keegan goes on to say that when someone asks you out, you don’t owe them anything. However, “rejecting someone politely goes a long way, makes them feel good about themselves, and it gives them a little closure on the situation.” Don’t feel as if you have to reply to every inbox message you get from a guy who’s interested in you. Dating apps are hit-and-miss, and some messages may not be worth responding to. It all depends on whether you’ve already communicated with the person and how well you’ve gotten to know them.
Stop communicating with him on the dating app. Even casually staying in touch can be confusing for him, and he could feel like you’re giving him mixed signals. He may have unspoken expectations that you’ll eventually “come around” and take any ambiguity as an excuse to keep messaging you. If you’re direct, he’ll likely take the hint and move on. Try to avoid excuses like “I’m not ready yet” or “Maybe another time”; they’ll just prolong the rejection. Dating coach Julianne Cantarella’s suggestions include “I think you're a really great person. I know you're going to meet someone special, but I just don't think that we're a match.” She mentions “keeping it very light and authentic.” Rejecting someone on a dating app isn’t an excuse for them to act abusively toward you. If you feel you’re being harassed, block the user and report them to the dating app platform. If you have serious concerns, take screenshots of any relevant messages before deleting them.
Final Thoughts
Be honest, firm and direct when saying no to a man who asks you out. Rejecting someone can be uncomfortable, but you have to make the best decision for yourself and straightforward about it. There's absolutely no need to apologize or explain yourself unless you want to. Try to avoid giving him mixed signals going forward so he won't try to ask you out again.
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