How to Evade Speaking with Your Parents: An Expert-Approved Guide

• Give short, noncommittal answers to any questions they ask. For example, say you’re busy working on school work, or simply reply “yes” or “no.”
• Join a sports team, get involved in school clubs, or volunteer in your community. You'll get space from your parents and gain experiences worth noting on college applications.
• Consider getting an after-school job. The time away from home will give you space and independence from your parents and help you to earn your own money.

Coming to Terms with Your Feelings

Assess your situation. Decide if avoiding talking to your parents is really worth it. It's okay to keep your distance to cool down from an argument. On the other hand, if you're in some kind of trouble, your parents might actually be able to help. It is also helpful to ask yourself why you are avoiding your parents and what you hope to accomplish by avoiding them. Understanding your motivation can help you understand how to best move forward.

Keep a diary. This can help you to see what you're feeling in print. Start by free writing. Jot down anything that comes to mind. Don't worry about complete sentences or grammatical correctness. Put dates on your entries so you can keep a timeline of your feelings. Use a paper diary with a lock or an encrypted file to keep your parents from snooping.

Make up with your parents, if possible. Give them and yourself a few days to cool down. Then, make the first move toward peace talks if they don't do it first. Apologize if you're at fault. If you can't bury the hatchet yourself, try to find a neutral third party to act as a mediator.

Seek the help of a therapist. Wanting to avoid your parents is an indication that something is wrong with your relationship. Talk to a school counselor or see a therapist to get help and recommendations for how to move forward. You may also consider family therapy if your parents are willing to do this with you. If you live with your parents and your situation at home is abusive or intolerable for other reasons, then you may also consider reaching out to family or a school counselor to help you find other living arrangements.

Avoiding Your Parents at Home

Cut off the conversation. Don't be rude or disrespectful. Give short, noncommittal answers to any questions they ask. If they ask if you want dinner or if you'll go somewhere with them, say no politely. Break or bend this rule if they're asking questions that might lead to reconciliation. Listen before you respond.

Lock yourself in your room. Turn the latch or slip the hook into the eye. Put a note on your door explaining that you've locked the door for some space and privacy. If you just lock your door without warning, your parents could get worried and break the door down. If you don't have a lock on your door, put a sign on the door asking people to keep out or at least knock first.

Take your creature comforts to your room. This includes your books, phone, and video game console. Find a cool, dry place to stash a few non-perishable snacks and drinks. Keep your phone on vibrate or silent to avoid attracting your parents' attention.

Tell your friends not to call your landline phone. If your parents answer the phone, you'll have to face them when you answer it. Have your friends call your cell phone, if you have one. If not, stick to email, instant messaging, and chat rooms.

Show consideration for your roommate, if you have one. If you share a room with a sibling, respect their space. Don't hog the room for yourself. If they ask about the situation with your parents, keep your story neutral. Don't try to make your sibling take sides.

Staying Out of the House

Spend more time with your friends. Do something fun to get your mind off your parents. If you need to cry or vent, make sure you're with a good friend who will understand. Even if you just hang out doing nothing, your friend's presence can do wonders for your mood.

Find other ways to get to school. Spending time in the same car as your parents will make things awkward. If you live close to your school, walk or ride your bike there. Take the school bus or public transit if you can. If all else fails, try to get a ride with your friends. If you must ride with your parents, keep your headphones on for the whole ride.

Get an after-school job. The time away from home will give you space and independence from your parents. Also, earning your own money will allow you to avoid asking your parents for theirs. Just make sure your job doesn't conflict with school, homework, or sleep.

Participate in extra-curricular activities. Join a sports team that appeals to you. Get involved in school clubs. Volunteer in your community. You'll not only get space from your parents, you'll also build confidence and collect bonus points for college applications.

Study at the library. The presence of your parents can add stress and eat into your study time. On the other hand, the quiet policy of most libraries will allow you to work without distractions. Study alone or meet up with a study group. You can also use online databases that you might not be able to use at home.

Avoiding Your Parents after You've Moved Out

Don't return their calls. Press the reject button when you see their number on the caller ID. If you have a flip phone, press one of the side buttons to silence the ringer. Either way, the call will go to voicemail. Whether you listen to the message or delete it immediately is up to you.

Avoid electronic communication. Don't return their emails. Unfollow them and make your timeline private if you're connected on social media. If you don't want to completely sever ties, just mute their posts. They won't know, and you can always unmute them if you make up.

Keep a physical distance. Don't visit them and tell them not to visit. Keep yourself busy if you don't want to make up excuses. Focus on your career or academic goals. Go out with your friends after work. Take a vacation if you can afford it.