How to Deal With Being in Trouble

Making Amends

Admit your wrongdoing. Even if you don't feel what you did was completely wrong, surely there are aspects of the situation you could have handled better. Acknowledge ways to respond more effectively in similar situations in the future. This will help you make better choices in the future and make your parents and other parties involved feel better. Total denial is usually not received well by parents and other authority figures once punishment has already been assigned, so you should avoid denial.

Apologize to those you've wronged. Showing remorse to those you've hurt will go a long way to mend damaged relationships. It will be much easier for others to forgive you, if you express remorse. Your apology should describe what you did wrong and how it hurt the person you are apologizing to. Your apologies must be sincere. If someone is hurt by something you did, an insincere apology will only further strain your relationship. You may have a hard time organizing your thoughts in an emotional apology, so it's a good idea to write it out. Having a written apology may also show you put a lot of thought into it, conveying your sincerity. Apologizing has the opportunity to maybe not make things right, but it demonstrates accountability for you actions and then willingness to learn and grow from your mistakes. If you really don't feel you can apologize in person, try writing it in a card.

Work to repair damage or repay debts. Trouble sometimes involves damage to or loss of property. You should help repair or replace those items. If you don't have the money saved, consider finding a part-time, after-school job. If you are not able to get a job, ask family and neighbors if you can do odd jobs to earn some money. You can also do the actual labor to repair damage in some cases. Doing this will show you are responsible and might even get you out of trouble a little sooner.

Communicate effectively with others. Poor communications often contribute to conflict and may have played a role in your trouble. Learning to communicate whole messages clearly will reduce misunderstandings and future conflict. Whole messages can be communicated with a simple formula: statement of fact (usually a description of an act) + your interpretation of what that fact means + how your interpretation makes you feel + how you would like the issue to be resolved. For example, "When you take my things without permission, I think you don't respect me or my belongings, which makes me feel angry. I will feel more comfortable with you borrowing my things, if we discuss it before you take them."

Developing Healthy Habits

Focus on your physical and mental health. Being in trouble usually means you have less opportunity to socialize. While this may seem like a terrible thing, it actually creates an opportunity for you to focus on developing a healthy lifestyle. Social activities often include unhealthy food and drink, and possibly drugs and alcohol. It's easier to adopt a healthy diet and refrain from abusing substances without peer pressure. Developing a healthy lifestyle may also help you stay out of trouble in the future.

Create a workout regimen. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and distract yourself from your troubles. Workouts will allow you to set and achieve short-term goals to feel like you are using your time productively. If your lifestyle was previously very sedentary, you should design workouts to get progressively more difficult over time. Starting out easy and building up to more vigorous exercise will help prevent injury. Physical activity can also help you manage feelings of depression and anxiety. Exercise releases endorphins, natural mood-boosting chemicals produced by your brain. Exercise can also help you release anger in a helpful way, which can be helpful if you're feeling upset about being in trouble.

Catch up on schoolwork or projects around the house. Trying to balance friends, family, school, and/or work is difficult, and it's usually homework and housework that gets put off. These small tasks then pile up and become overwhelming. If you're in trouble, it's a pretty good sign you should immerse yourself in your studies and get organized. This will distract you from your problems and help you stay out of future trouble. Try creating a study schedule to keep you on track even after you are no longer in trouble. Use a calendar to block out time to study specific subjects each week. You can also schedule specific household chores. Tackling projects one at a time will actually help you finish them all in a more timely manner.

Learn to show yourself compassion. Sometimes, you end up in trouble because you don't feel good about yourself. You may give in to peer pressure or act out in order to "prove" yourself. You may feel attacked and become angry if people don't behave toward you the way you think they should. If you have a hard time accepting painful feelings, you're more likely to end up in trouble when you respond to them. Showing yourself compassion can help you feel better about who you are, the mistakes you make, and your capacity for growth. For example, imagine that you're in trouble because you dented your parents' car due to careless driving. You could choose to beat yourself up about it and think "I'm such a loser." This is unhelpful because it doesn't focus on what you can learn from the experience. It also unfairly generalizes about you based on one specific event. Instead, you could acknowledge that you made a mistake, accept that making mistakes is part of being human, and focus on what you can do to avoid a similar situation next time: "When I earn back the privilege of using the car, I will look more carefully when I'm in parking lots and won't drive so fast." Remind yourself that painful experiences and thoughts are part of living, and everyone experiences them. Understanding that you share common humanity with others can help you be more compassionate towards everyone, including yourself. It can also help you distance yourself from them, because suddenly you're not the only person in the world this has ever happened to.

Develop your sense of self-worth. Instead of getting your validation from others, like your peers, look inward. Self-worth is highest when you feel like you're living in accordance with your personal values, or the core beliefs that determine how you view yourself, your life, and your world. For example, recognize that you don't have to follow the crowd to be "cool." Cool is whatever you define it to be. Perhaps for you, being "cool" means expressing yourself artistically, or getting involved in a team sport. It can help to spend a little time thinking about your values. For example, what feels most important to you? If you could change one thing about your community, what would it be? What traits or characteristics do you really admire in others? Remember that your values are yours, and thus your self-worth isn't dependent on what others value. Values aren't superior or inferior; they're just different.

Stop guilt messages. Watch out for generalizing statements, such as "I'm a loser" or "I can't do anything right." These are unfair generalizations about you, and only pay attention to one thing that you see as wrong, rather than viewing yourself as a whole person. They're often a sign of all-or-nothing thinking, too. Instead of making generalizations, focus on the single event or experience that's prompted that feeling. In this case, it's probably whatever you did to get yourself in trouble. Acknowledge that mistake, but don't allow it to define you. Instead, focus on your future: "I made a bad decision about drinking underage. I regret that choice. I can learn from it to help me avoid giving in to peer pressure in the future. I will follow my own values." Watch for all-or-nothing thinking, too. This can be extremely demotivating, especially if you're having trouble with schoolwork. For example, you might do poorly on a quiz and think, "Well, I'm just going to fail this class, that's all there is to it." Instead, recognize that this is a single event in a larger experience. There are things you can do to help you improve your performance: get tutoring, ask your parents for help with homework, talk to your teacher, watch some YouTube videos explaining the concept. Focus on solutions, rather than allowing the problem to paralyze you.

Get involved in bettering your community and help others. Volunteer at local organizations to shift attention from yourself to others. This is a productive way to connect with others and keep your mind off your troubles. Focusing on the hardships of others will also help develop empathy and increase your self-esteem, reducing the likelihood of getting in trouble again. You can find lots of volunteering opportunities online.

Finding New Hobbies

Discover the joy of reading. Your parents aren't likely to ground you from reading, so this may be a way of doing something pleasurable while on restriction. If you weren't fond of reading in the past, it may be that you just haven't found what you like to read yet. You should be able to find lots of different styles of books on a wide range of topics at your school library. If standard novels just aren't for you, consider graphic novels. You may not want to start out with heavy reading because it can be overwhelming. Go for shorter, easier reads until you figure out your reading preferences. You can also find resources online to help choose the best books for you.

Express yourself through art. Creating art will help pass the time, relieve stress, improve mood, and help you feel productive. Art can take many forms, so you might consider researching various mediums online to find the one that appeals to you most. Art can be done alone and often requires few supplies, so you can usually do it without violating the terms of your punishment.

Help out with the cooking. Cooking is a great way to express yourself creatively that is paternally acceptable. Your parents will probably appreciate the help with dinner, so you might even earn some brownie points. Try creating your own recipes or adding a twist to your family's favorite meal.

Spend time in the garden. Gardening is another hobby that promotes both physical and mental health. Your parents will also likely appreciate the help, earning you goodwill. If you find you enjoy working in the garden, you might consider trying to grow some of your own fruits and vegetables. This will reap financial and health benefits in addition to contributing to the aesthetics of your home.

Learn a new language. Take advantage of your extra free time to develop language skills, which improves brain health. This is the perfect way to learn more about a culture or region you've always been interested in. You can find lots of books and online resources devoted to language learning. This may even become beneficial in future career development. Bilingual job applicants are often more desirable to employers and command higher starting salaries.