Talking Things Through with Your Girlfriend
Be there emotionally and physically as quickly as possible. Within reason, you should make your girlfriend your number one priority when she's upset and needs your support. How quickly you're there for her might be as important as being there itself and the act of you rushing to her aid lets her know how much she means to you. This, alone, will help her feel better regardless of why she's upset Obviously, you won't be able to rush to your girlfriend at the drop of a coin. Most times, you will have to balance the criticality of your current activities and the severity of her emotional distress. If you're at work or school and her situation is dire, you should clear your mind of your responsibilities and give her all the emotional support and caring that you can verbally. Let her know that she is your number one priority and that you will be there physically as soon as you can practically clear your plate.
Listen carefully to what she's upset about. Until you know what your girlfriend is specifically upset about, you can't offer any but the broadest consolation. Whether the situation is minor or a life-changing issue, hold off on the advice at first—instead, start by listening intently to what she's saying. Engage in active listening. Repeat back what you think you're hearing to be sure you really understand what she's going through. Empathy cannot happen if you're partly focused on your own thoughts. Even so, you shouldn't be afraid to offer your own feelings, but only if she asks you for them.
Ask what you can do. Don't just assume you know the best way to solve her problem. Ask what she really needs, and see if there's anything you can do to support her. If she's told you before that there's something she'd like for you to do while she's upset, like holding her hand and just being there for her, try that at first. When she calms down, ask if there's anything else she'd like. Reader Poll: We asked 453 wikiHow readers, and 63% of them agreed that the best way to comfort your girlfriend when she talks to you about personal problems is to show empathy and offer support. [Take Poll]
Make her laugh. Laughter helps relieve the stress and re-centers the emotions. In this way a number of mental and emotional problems can seem less critical and more manageable. If you and your girlfriend have a strong enough chemistry, you are probably making her laugh on a regular basis as it is. Humour is a powerful remedy against mental stress, and it can help get her find off of what's bothering her long enough to affect positive change in her mood.
Lighten any potential feelings of shamefulness. In addition to whatever she is feeling bad about, your girlfriend may feel a new kind of shame in simply showing emotional vulnerability to you. If you think this is the case, you should pull her in close to you and remind her feelings are normal and only to be expected. Reassure her that her trust in you will never, ever be betrayed. Encourage her! Remind her of things that she's done that have been successful, or of a time she was able to get through something really hard.
Stay calm. Remember that the focus should be entirely on your girlfriend and her feelings while you are offering comfort and support. This might be difficult if you're emotionally involved in the situation which upset her, but you must put your feelings on the back burner and let hers be fully worked out. If you get overly upset and start folding in your thoughts and feelings, it will only make matters worse. And, in the end, you will have done little to comfort or console her. If you're upset, it's best to make her feel better, then tend to your side of the issue at a future time.
Expressing Your Caring Non-Verbally
Approach her on her terms. When you meet with her, it's important not to overstep your bounds. This includes keeping a cap on physical affection or romantic gestures unless you think she's in the mood for it. In many cases, a girl who is furious over something isn't going to be receptive to cuddling. When you meet her, come close but respect her personal space at the start. If she wants something, chances are she will let you know. Depending on how long you have been with your girlfriend, you should be able to predict her behaviour in certain situations. If you've comforted her in the past and she was receptive to certain actions, repeating them again is a good trick.
Use attentive body language. While you're talking to her, the best thing you can do initially is to let her know she has your complete attention. Although you'll be getting this impression across through your words as well, attentive body language shows her that you're listening with your body as much as your brain. Steady eye contact, leaning and pointing your body in her direction, smiling, and nodding your head when appropriate all will show the girl that you care.
Buy her a gift. Gift-giving is surprisingly well-suited for times of stress. Although a bouquet of flowers obviously isn't going to make the problem itself go away, it is a physical sign of love and affection. The symbolic nature of a gift can go a long ways towards making your girlfriend feel better. Giving her a present can be effective, but only if it's backed up with honest talk and warmth. Try to consider whether the reason your girlfriend needs comforting is really appropriate for whatever gift you're getting her. Flowers are suitable for just about any situation, but getting her favourite video game after her parents have died probably isn't going to get the reaction you're looking for.
Offer a tissue if she's crying. A tissue is a common offering to give someone if you find her crying. Crying can be an embarrassing thing, even in the midst of someone you're deeply involved with. A tissue doesn't make it any less embarrassing, but it does help clear up the evidence. Offering your girlfriend a tissue to wipe away tears is especially helpful if she wears any eye makeup. She will probably thank you for it later on.
Hug her. Provided your girlfriend didn't rush into your arms for comfort from the get-go, giving her a hug is recommended at some point. The positive effects of hugs are well-known. It's a quick way to feel better, as everything from the stress level to one's blood pressure become regulated during a hug.
Cuddle up together. Cuddling is a bona fide remedy to most emotional troubles. If your girlfriend has been feeling upset about something, there's usually nothing better than to cuddle up once things have been relatively resolved. Even if she's not feeling totally fine by the time you get down to cuddling, the act of cuddling itself comes with an impressive range of benefits, including boosts to feelings of well-being and happiness. Once you're cuddling up, you might think about watching her favourite movie together. Something light-hearted and fun is usually best, and the entertainment is a great way to keep her mind off the issue at hand until she's calm and rested enough to properly deal with it.
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