Gearing Up for the Argument
Figure out the underlying cause. Know-it-alls generally fall in one of two categories (or a combination of the two). Some know-it-alls have a deep sense of insecurity, and they try to cover it up by knowing as much as they can. Others actually do think they know it all, so they feel compelled to offer their knowledge to others. Knowing where the person's argumentativeness stems from can help you better deal with the situation. When an insecure know-it-all is told they are wrong about something, it plays into their insecurity, and their defences go up. Try leading questions instead, which work well with this type of person. With the second type of know-it-alls, it's often best to let them have their say, and then try to offer up another opinion.
Determine how much you want to risk in the relationship. Before diving into an argument with a know-it-all, it's important to think about what you're willing to lose. That is, think about how important the relationship is to you and how important the argument is to you. No matter how careful you are, engaging in an argument can damage a relationship. For instance, if your boss is a know-it-all, it may be best just to let them think what they're going to think most of the time, so you don't put your job in jeopardy. If the person is someone you're close to, such as a partner or close friend, decide if the argument is really worth the potential hurt.
Decide what you want from the argument. In any argument, you should have an ultimate goal. Maybe you just want them to see your side, or maybe you want them to acknowledge your hurt feelings. Whatever it is, you need to know what it is before you jump into the argument.
Check your facts before jumping into the argument. If the argument is about something that is fact-based, always check your facts first. If you can, bring evidence to the conversation to back up your side. However, when researching, make sure to stick to unbiased sources, instead of ones that just tell you what you want to hear.
Helping Them See the Other Side
Listen to what they have to say. Even if the person always thinks they're right, they still deserve to be heard, just like you deserve to be heard. Listen to their point of view first, taking the time to really hear what they're saying To show you're listening, you can nod along to the conversation, and provide short summaries, such as "So what I hear you saying is... " When you take time to listen, the other person will believe that you care about what they think.
Ask questions to get a better understanding. The person may not be particularly forthcoming about what's going underneath the surface. Plus, asking questions can help you understand exactly what they're talking about when it comes to the subject and how they feel on the topic. Even simple questions, such as "Why do you say that?" can help you figure out what's under the surface.
Agree, and then provide your counterpoint of view. One way to argue with someone who thinks they know everything is to first side with them, or at least admit you understand their side. After you agree, you can present a counterargument. For instance, you might say, "I understand what you're saying. It's an interesting point, but here's what I think..." You could also say something like, "Thanks for helping me understand your side. I can see where you're coming from. My point of view is a bit different..."
Make your argument non-threatening. If you say your points in a threatening way, the other person will likely shut down. However, if you present your side by couching it in less threatening language, the other person is more likely to listen. For example, instead of saying, "I am definitely right," you could say, "Well, what I've read is this... " Instead of saying, "Here's the right point of view...," you might say, "Maybe there's another side to the story..."
Move the conversation away from direct confrontations. Sometimes, when you confront a person with direct advice in an argument, they just shut down and don't listen, just like when you make an argument in a threatening way. In this case, you may be offering advice or a solution, only the person can't hear what you're saying. You may find that asking a person leading questions is a better way to get them thinking in a different direction than a direct confrontation. For instance, you might say, "Oh, what makes you think that?" instead of "That sounds wrong to me." Instead of "That's not right at all," you could say, "Have you ever thought about...?"
Keeping the Conversation Calm
Don't escalate. It can be tempting in any argument to escalate. Emotions get in the way, and you both get angry. You let your tempers get the best of you, and the argument devolves into throwing insults back and forth or yelling at each other. Escalation is a particular problem when arguing with a know-it-all because it's likely to get on your last nerve. However, if you're going to get anywhere, you have to keep your head. If you feel yourself getting heated, take a moment to take a deep breath. It's even a good idea to ask to come back to the discussion later, so you can continue when you're both calm and collected.
Uncross your arms. Your body language says as much about what you're feeling as what you're saying. If your body language says you're closed off to discussion, the person you're talking with isn't going to feel as comfortable engaging with you. Uncross your arms and legs, and face the person with your body. Also, be sure to make eye contact, so the person knows you're listening.
Open your mind to their side. That is, even know-it-alls have to be right sometimes. When you're engaging in an argument, you have to be willing to admit you're wrong sometimes. Otherwise, the argument won't get anywhere.
Know when--and how!--to walk away. Sometimes, you'll realize that no one is going to "win" the argument. At that point, it's best to just end it. However, you still want to appear non-threatening, or else the other person will still want to keep arguing. You could end with, "Well, I can see we're not getting anywhere. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree." You could also say, "I'm sorry to see we're not getting any closer to agreeing on this subject. Maybe we can try again some other time."
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