Accepting the Truth
Look for clues as to whether she loves you or not. When you really care for someone, it can be easy to ignore the signals indicating that they don't feel the same way. However, the longer you ignore these, the longer you'll draw out your heartache. Some indicators of unrequited love include: She won't make time for you. She doesn't return your texts/calls. She never reaches out to you to make plans. She says she likes you as a friend. She's not interested in physical affection. She’s told you she's not in love with you.
Accept that it’s over. Whether you've noticed a series of signs indicating she doesn’t love you, or she’s straight up told you that she doesn't have feelings for you, you’ll need to do some work to accept that it’s time to move on. While you may be hopeful of changing her mind, take her at her word and respect that what she’s saying is the truth. It can be helpful to affirm your need to move on aloud to yourself or a friend. You might say, "My relationship with Katie is over. Katie doesn't love me." EXPERT TIP Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist Rejection isn't a reflection of your worth. It doesn't mean you're not worthy or you're not good enough—it just means there wasn't a good match between the two of you. For somebody else, you're the best person on the planet.
Allow yourself to process your emotions. When you experience rejection, you’re likely to feel a range of emotions, including disbelief, anger, and sadness. During this period, it’s important to practice self-care and prioritize taking time for yourself to heal. Remember, rejection happens to everyone, and even though you’re hurting now, you'll get through this (and you'll be an even more resilient person on the other side). Cry if you feel like crying. Talk to your friends. Write in a journal. Comfort yourself with things you like, such as ice cream, hot baths, or movies.
Cutting Ties with Her
Avoid contact with her. For you to heal, you need your space. If you love a girl and she doesn't love you, it might be difficult to immediately transition into just being friends. While friendship isn’t off the table at a later date, avoiding in-person and online communication may be necessary for you to truly move on. Consider blocking or deleting her number from your phone to avoid calling or texting her. Stay away from places you know she’s likely to be, like parties or social gatherings hosted by mutual friends, until you feel able to handle seeing her in person. If you absolutely must see her (for instance, if you work together), keep your interactions brief and professional. A simple smile of acknowledgment is all it takes to keep things neutral.
Avoid her social media profiles. Although it’s tempting, try to avoid looking at her pages on social media. Consider blocking her (at least temporarily) if seeing what she’s been up to is too tempting. You need the space to heal, and you can't do that if you’re constantly being reminded of her through pictures and videos of her life. To keep away from her online presence, you should: Spend less time on social media. Block or unfollow her on social media sites. Avoid visiting the pages of mutual friends. If you encounter her online, put your phone away (or close your laptop) and do something else.
Refrain from intimate contact. When you love someone, wanting to be there for them when they need you is natural. Unfortunately, in order to get over someone who can’t reciprocate your feelings, it’s necessary that you don’t allow them to use you physically or for emotional support. Setting healthy boundaries with your ex-love is necessary to get over them. If she reaches out to you, tell her, "I’m sorry, but I need to take a little space for myself right now.”
Moving On
Don’t act on feelings of anger. Once you accept that she doesn't love you, you might transition from sadness to anger. Remember that there have likely been times you've been unable to reciprocate someone else's feelings for you—this is no different. While you may feel vengeful or jealous of the person you love or their new partner, it’s important to allow these thoughts to come and go so that you can move on. Initially, you might vent to a couple of close, trusted friends. Then, try not to talk about her anymore. Resist the urge to talk badly about her to your mutual friends. You wouldn’t want gossip to get back to her and make you appear bitter. Try to put yourself in her shoes and acknowledge that while it’s hard to accept she doesn’t love you, it’s also hard to be honest with someone. You deserve to walk away from this feeling good about yourself and your behavior, not regretful that you acted on an impulse to invoke jealousy or get attention.
Make an effort to get out and have some fun. Hang out with friends, go dancing, spend an evening doing karaoke, or travel someplace new! Even if you don't feel like having fun, force yourself to try—you might enjoy yourself more than you’d think! Getting out for a walk in nature is an excellent way to get some much-needed upliftment. Walking in nature drastically boosts your mental and physical health—yes, please! Think about what you love to do. Whether it’s getting an excellent cappuccino and reading a book or exploring a museum, now’s the perfect time to treat yourself. A positive, like having a wonderful time with friends or family, will help to overshadow the negative.
Focus on a goal. You can't control who she loves, but you can control how you let it affect you. Now is a great time to focus on some form of self-improvement. Have you always wanted to play the guitar, work out more, or excel in school or your career? Put your focus on a new goal and commit to making yourself proud. Exercising more is an excellent goal to set, as it can improve your mental, physical, and emotional health. Plus, you can exercise with a friend—you’ll get the benefits of physical activity and spending time with a loved one! Dedicating your time and effort to a healthy goal, like learning another language or working towards a promotion, will help to distract you and may boost your confidence. Before you know it, you’ll be well on your way to moving on. While getting over someone who doesn’t love you is painful, it’s also a wonderful learning experience. Take a minute to reflect on what your non-negotiables are in a relationship, like great communication, and set these goals for your next relationship.
Give it some time. Getting over someone takes patience and self-love. Just because the person you love can’t reciprocate your feelings doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of a beautiful, supportive relationship. Remember, even after a long string of good days, a bad day might sneak up on you, and that's normal! Moving on is a process, and whether you realize it or not, you’re healing a little more day by day. Meditation may help re-center your mind and bring you greater peace and well-being. Practice positivity. When you’re feeling down, it can be easy to let yourself fall into a negative thinking pattern, so instead, remind yourself what you’re grateful for to change the mood.
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