12 Signs Your Ex Is Still Thinking About You (+ Making Them Miss You)

12 Signs Your Ex Misses You

They contact you when it's not necessary. The best way to move on after a breakup is to break off all contact with your ex. If your ex not only hasn't done that but also contacts you frequently for basically no reason, it's a pretty clear sign that they miss you—or at least miss talking to you on a regular basis. If they're contacting you frequently and you aren't interested in rekindling the flame, set boundaries regarding what kind of communication you're okay with. Shield recommends letting them know "that part of our relationship is over, I'm no longer... your confidant or [emotional] support system."

They always like and comment on your social media posts. Studies show that continuing to engage with your ex on social media after a breakup can increase your longing for them. If they're quick to respond to anything you post, it's likely they're missing you. If you're not calling or texting them, they could see social media as the only way they have to hear from you or keep tabs on you. They might also be going back through your social media accounts because they're looking back at memories from the times when the two of you were together.

They don't take down pictures of you on social media. After a breakup, a mutual purge of social media posts is pretty typical. You might not take down every single picture of the two of you together (especially group photos with other people), but if you're still featured prominently in your ex's primary profile photo? That's a sign they miss being with you. While it might also mean that they're just not very active on social media, they likely would've logged on to do this if it was something that bothered them.

They keep "accidentally" running into you. When you're part of a couple, the two of you develop routines together. After a breakup, it's often super easy to predict where your ex is going to be based on those old patterns that you know. That means it's pretty easy to avoid each other but also pretty easy to run into each other—there's nothing accidental about it. Your ex was missing you and knew a way they could see you. Sometimes, it's just a matter of them wanting to see you again and nothing more. But if they want to rekindle your relationship, they might hope sparks fly if the two of you bump into each other.

They keep in touch with your family and friends. Keeping in touch with people who are close to you is a pretty easy way to keep up with what's going on with you—especially if you're not returning your ex's calls or texts. Here you're not talking about mutual friends, but people your ex only knows through you. This is more likely to indicate that your ex misses you if he's asking those people about you as well. For example, if your sister tells you that your ex randomly texted her the other day and asked about you, that's a pretty clear indication that your ex was missing you in that moment.

They respond immediately when you call or text them. It's not difficult to interpret being left on "read," and the opposite can be equally clear. If your ex responds immediately to your texts or picks up your call after the first ring, it typically means they're excited to hear from you—and that could be because they miss you. If they haven't heard from you in a while, they might just be responding quickly because of that. Being excited to hear from you or talk to you doesn't mean they're ready to get back together with you, but it does give you the opportunity to open the conversation if that's something you'd be interested in. For example, you might say, "It seems like you're excited to catch up but I've gotta run right now. Did you want to meet for coffee later this week? It's been a while!"

They make up excuses to reach out to you or see you. Even if you're in a strict no-contact period, you're still human and understand that there might be times when you're literally the only one that your ex can call about something. But if this seems to be a recurring issue, it might be that they just wish they still had you in their life. Within the first week or two after the breakup, it's more likely that your ex will have things they genuinely need to connect with you about—especially if you lived together or have children together. After a month or so, your ex will typically run out of legitimate reasons they need to talk to you or see you—barring any continuing obligation the two of you share. This is when you can tell that if they're digging for reasons to reach out to you, it's likely because they miss you.

They're talking about you to other people. If you and your ex were together for a while, it's likely that you have a pretty large circle of mutual friends. It's one thing if they're asking your friends what you're doing right now, but if they're instead reminiscing about favorite moments in your relationship, that could be a sign that they're missing you. Reminiscing also brings up all of those same old feelings they had when that moment happened, which can make them miss you even more while they're thinking back.

They're suddenly working on something you always bugged them about. During the bargaining stage of grief after the end of your relationship, your ex might decide that they'll do anything to get you back. As a result, they start looking at things that you used to complain about and figure out a way to change those things in a way that you'll notice. They believe that you'll come back to them if you notice that change that they've made. This is more likely to happen if you were the one who ended the relationship. But regardless of how your relationship ended, it's a sign that they're thinking about you and likely miss having you in their life so they want to make themselves more worthy of you. In this stage, they might not be ready to recommit to a healthy relationship with you because they likely haven't done the real work that they need to do with themselves to figure out what role they played in the demise of your relationship.

They call or text late at night or when they're drunk. It's late, your ex is home alone and they've had a few drinks. Because alcohol lowers their inhibitions, they're going to find it a lot more difficult to resist the temptation of texting you. In fact, they might even be able to convince themselves that reaching out to you in this state is actually a good idea (because alcohol impairs your judgment as well). It's usually best to ignore these calls and texts in the moment. You're not going to get anywhere with your ex if you try to talk to them while they're drunk. If the calls or texts bothered you, bring them up the next day. For example, you might say, "Going a little hard last night? Feel alright today? I'll ignore it this once, but please don't call or text me that late again."

They bring up the breakup frequently. If your ex is repeatedly asking to talk about the breakup with you, it's likely because they're not quite over you yet. This is especially likely if you broke up with them because they might think that they can rationalize you into changing your mind and getting back together with them. If they're the one who broke up with you and they keep wanting to talk about the breakup, it could indicate that they're having second thoughts about ending the relationship. Second thoughts could mean that they miss you and want to get back together, but it could also simply mean that they're lonely in general.

They've quickly jumped into a new relationship. A rebound relationship typically tells you that they're trying to get a quick ego boost rather than face the emotions they have surrounding the breakup. It could mean that they miss you or simply that they miss the familiarity of being in a relationship. If you see that your ex is in a new relationship, take it seriously and give them space, even if you believe it's a rebound. If it is a rebound relationship, it will quickly fizzle out once your ex realizes that it's not making you jealous or upset.

Ways to Make Your Ex Miss You

Give them space. After a breakup, calling your ex or chatting with them on a regular basis isn't healthy for either of you. Whether you go full no-contact or not, both of you need time and space to heal from the breakup. And if you're trying to make them miss you, remember that they can't miss you if you're still around. This might mean unfollowing them or blocking them on social media or even taking their contact information out of your phone—whatever it takes to create that space.

Work on yourself to build your confidence. Regardless of the circumstances of your breakup, chances are your self-esteem took a hit. Take steps to boost your confidence and it will show. People are naturally attracted to confidence. Pompey notes that "first and foremost, you can't fake confidence. So you're never going to be able to act confident unless you feel confident... it's a great step in the right direction to get your appearance at its optimal level." For a quick appearance refresher, you might try a new hairstyle or go shopping and update your wardrobe with a few fun or trendy pieces. Your ex will need to notice these changes, but once they do, it's likely they'll start to miss you.

Go out and try new things. When you have new experiences they can shake up your routine and get you out of the habits you established when you were part of a couple. Trying new things also serves as a great distraction so you won't think about your ex or your past relationship as much. If your ex sees that you're doing different things rather than following the same routine, they could start to miss you a little more. This works because you're creating some distance between the life you lived with your ex and the new life that you're creating for yourself. It might also make you a little less available to your ex.

Meet new friends and have new adventures. If you and your ex have a lot of mutual friends, hanging out with new people can help you disconnect from them a little more. It also makes you a little more unavailable because you're no longer hanging out with the same people or going to the same spots. If you have a hard time chatting it up with new people, don't worry! You'll get better with practice. Pompey emphasizes that "just having conversations with random people is a huge step... the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll get" meeting new people. If you and your ex lived together, you might try moving to a different part of town. That way, you'll have a new neighborhood to explore and new favorite spots to discover.

Act as though you've moved on (even if you haven't). Thinking back on a previous ex can be helpful here. You might recall how you felt when your last relationship ended compared to how you feel about that person now. Remind yourself that how you feel about your ex right now is only temporary. In the grand scheme of things, you actually won't feel this way for very long. If your ex sees that you no longer need them or senses that you no longer feel as though something is missing from your life, they might just start to miss you a little bit. As long as your ex feels as though you would get back together with them if they asked, they have the ability to sort of string you along and keep you on the back burner if they want to—and this isn't healthy for either of you.

Go out on dates with other people. This doesn't mean you should go out with someone only to make your ex jealous or make them miss you—that wouldn't be fair to the other person. Be honest with anyone you go out on a date with, especially if you don't feel like you're over your ex yet. For example, you might say, "I'm just stepping my little toe back in the dating pool right now. While I'm still a little raw from a bad breakup a few months ago, I think it's important to get back out there."

Frequently Asked Questions

How long before my ex misses me? It could take them up to 8 weeks to miss you, assuming that you go full no-contact with them after the breakup. Essentially, it takes that long to process the emotions that caused the end of the relationship in the first place. Men can take even longer because they usually spend the first week or two in denial. There are a lot of other factors to consider as well, such as how long the two of you were together and the intensity of your connection. Who instigated the breakup and the reasons for the breakup can also impact how long it takes for either of you to miss the other.

If my ex misses me does that mean they want to get back together? No, not necessarily. When you're with someone, your brain forms patterns around your attachment to that person. When something triggers your brain to run those patterns, you feel warm and fuzzy about that person without wanting to get back together with them. Both of you might miss each other at various points for the rest of your lives but that isn't a signal that you should give it another shot. It's important to figure out what went wrong in the relationship and what you can do to keep those things from happening again.

How should I respond to my ex missing me? Respond based on how you feel after you've reflected on the situation. Ask yourself if you miss your ex as well and if both of you have changed in significant ways since the breakup. That will help you figure out if the two of you should give it another shot or not. If your ex is open to it, set up a face-to-face conversation with minimal distractions. This will give the two of you an opportunity to share your feelings and decide what to do. For example, you might say, "Hey, it seems like you've been missing me lately and I've been missing you too. Wanna meet up for coffee sometime this week and chat about it?" If your ex misses you but you've already moved on, Shield emphasizes that it's important to create clear boundaries with them, "because your new partner doesn't want this person leaning on you."

Why do I miss my ex so badly? When you and your ex were in love, they triggered your brain to release feel-good chemicals that made you feel really awesome whenever you were with your ex. Now that the relationship is over, you find yourself looking for some of those feel-good chemicals to give you a boost and your brain still considers your ex to be a good source. This is the kind of missing that makes you think back fondly on the good times. You can almost convince yourself that nothing bad ever happened. Missing your ex is nothing to be ashamed of—it's totally normal to feel that way, even if you ended the relationship. Your brain's desire for these feel-good chemicals is so strong that some psychologists compare missing your ex this way to an addict's withdrawal.

How can I get my ex back? If you truly believe that the two of you should be in a relationship, the best way to attempt to renew that relationship is to figure out what wasn't working before and make changes. Shield notes that you need "to learn how to interact better, how to listen, how to communicate, how to have boundaries." Shield further emphasizes getting therapy or other help to better understand these issues and learn healthier coping and communication strategies.

What can I do if my ex doesn't miss me and I miss them? It can be very frustrating when you're still suffering and it seems like your ex has already moved on. Perhaps the best thing to do in this situation is to block them out and turn your focus inward. Be kind to yourself and don't worry about what your ex is doing. Remember that they could just be pretending. They might be having a hard time but putting on a brave face. If your ex has already moved on, be compassionate to yourself and reflect on what you can do to move on as well. There's no timeline for this—it's likely that your ex will still linger in that "partner" space of your brain until you start another relationship, and that's okay.