Personal questions
Tossing some personal questions into the mix may help you and your BF feel even closer. In one particular study, experts invited strangers to ask each other different sets of probing, personal questions. Try asking a few of these questions to your boyfriend and comparing your answers afterward. You might be surprised at how much closer you feel at the end of your phone call! Here are a few Qs to get you started: What are 3 things that both of us have in common? Is there something you really want to accomplish? Why haven’t you done it yet? What does friendship mean to you? What topics are too serious to be joked about?
Check-ins
The age-old “how are you” or “how was your day” doesn’t accomplish all that much. Try changing things up by asking a more open-ended question. Instead of answering with a 1-word response, invite your BF to go into way more detail about how his day went. Then, do a switcheroo and share some interesting tidbits about your day. Try asking something like: What was the biggest highlight of your day? What’s the most exciting thing happening at your job right now? What’s the worst thing that happened today?
Hypotheticals
Fun, made-up scenarios are the perfect way to keep your conversation going. Pick his brain about anything and everything, from his desert island survival kit to his lottery spending plans. You can even add a philosophical touch with a celebrity dinner party question. Then, take an even deeper dive and ask him to explain why he feels that way. Here are a few ideas to get you going: What advice would you give your 10-year old self? If you could wake up tomorrow with a new superpower, what would it be? If you had the entire day to yourself, what would you do?
Would you rather questions
Everyone loves a classic “Coke or Pepsi” question. In the best-case scenario, you can discover some new things that you have in common with your beau. In the worst-case scenario, you can transform your disagreement into a playful debate! Instead of giving a 1-word answer, take some time to explain why you prefer one thing over the other. Who knows—your friendly discussion could lead to a really fun, interesting conversation! Here are a few ideas: Would you rather have every meal you eat be a little too spicy or a little too salty? Would you rather talk to animals or speak every language known to humankind? Would you rather have a high salary and a lot of debt or a low salary with absolutely no debt? Would you rather go a week without showering or a week without brushing your teeth?
Bucket lists
Bucket lists are a fun, creative way to keep your conversation interesting. Ask your boyfriend what he’d most like to do, such as traveling to Hawaii, going on a cross-country road trip, or skydiving. Then, share your own bucket list, and see what dreams and goals you both have in common. You could ask: What’s on the top of your bucket list right now? If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be? What do you want to accomplish the most?
First impressions
Take a trip down memory lane and chat about your first impressions of one another. Ask him about the time he first saw you. Was it love at first sight, or did it take some time for sparks to start flying? Keep the conversation going by sharing your side of the story, too. You might ask him: What did you think of me when we first met? Did you always want to date me, or were you interested in someone else?
Childhood memories
Relive some iconic moments from your childhoods. Ask your BF to think about his most vivid childhood memory, or invite him to tell you about one of his childhood adventures. Then, you can trade stories and see how similar or different you both were as little kids. Try asking: Which childhood memory of yours stands out the most? What was your favorite memory as a little kid? What was the worst thing you ever did as a kid?
Fears
Compare notes on some of your biggest fears. You can make this a serious discussion or keep it light-hearted—it’s totally up to you! Ask your beau what really keeps him up at night, or offer up a fear of your own to keep the conversation going. You might have more in common than you think. Try asking something like: What’s your biggest fear? What’s a silly thing that you’re really afraid of? John Gottman John Gottman, World-Couples Therapist When superficial small talk no longer suffices, explore purposeful questions that reveal your inner worlds instead. What hopes, values, dreams and even fears shape your partner? Where have they struggled and what lessons emerged? Conversation unlocks intimacy. Be fully present, listen without judgment and vulnerably share in kind. An amazing new depth emerges in relationships when making space for open, heart-centered communication.
Embarrassing moments
Bust out the laughs with some of your most infamous, noteworthy tales. Ask him to share an embarrassing tale from his past, or get the ball rolling with your own story. To really up the ante, try competing to see who has the most cringe-worthy tale to tell! Let your conversation grow a silly, hilarious life of its own as you continue to rehash some of your most humiliating moments together. Here are some ideas to get you going: Do you have any embarrassing summer camp stories? What’s something that your family never lets you live down?
Moments of gratitude
Think about what you’re both really thankful for. Talking about gratitude may seem pretty sappy, but it’s actually the perfect way to keep your phone conversation going. You’ll get to learn more about the most important people in his life, and maybe even hear how much he appreciates you. Then, take your chat in a new direction by sharing what you’re grateful for. You could ask: Who has had the biggest, most positive impact on your life? What are you most grateful for? Which family member are you most grateful for?
Goals
Ask your boyfriend about his goals and dreams. Give your BF some to talk about what he’s most passionate about, and what he’d love to accomplish in the next few years and decades. Offer plenty of encouraging words, and remind him that you’ll always be there to support him along the way. Then, share some of your own hopes and dreams so he feels a little less vulnerable. For instance, you might ask: What’s your biggest goal right now? What do you want to accomplish in the future? Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
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