How to Stop Ogling

Keeping Your Eyes Elsewhere

Follow the three-second rule. It’s natural to glance at people as they walk by you, and a quick glance is usually okay. But if you find yourself looking for longer than 3 seconds, you’re ogling. If you have to, time yourself in your head. If you get to three, you’ve looked too long.

Stay focused on something else. Not everyone who ogles stares too long. If you know that you can check people out just with a quick flick of your eyes toward them, the three-second rule won’t work for you. Instead, try focusing on something else when you’re out. It could be the face of the person you’re with, your shoes, or even something that you wear on your wrist just so you can stare at it.

Make eye contact. If you feel your eyes beginning to wander and you know you're about to ogle, make eye contact with the person instead. This is a much more common, and less uncomfortable, occurrence. If they look back, simply give them a small smile. It will make you seem friendly, instead of predatory.

Taking Other People's Feelings Into Account

Avoid hurting the feelings of people you love. Ogling other people can be very hurtful to your romantic partner. It can make them feel inadequate or insecure about your relationship. It can also make them feel as you don't love them. If you feel yourself beginning to ogle someone, consider how your partner will feel, whether they're there or not.

Be more considerate of those around you. Ogling can be embarrassing and hurtful not only to your romantic partner, but to other people around you, especially if your ogling is noticeable. If you find it hard to stop ogling for yourself, try doing it for the people around you who might feel uncomfortable about it.

Take the feelings of the person you're ogling into account. To you, the people you ogle might just seem like something to look at, but they're real people with feelings. Being ogled by you can make them feel objectified and therefore uncomfortable or even unsafe. If you begin to ogle someone, consider how it makes them feel.

Building Better Habits

Make an if-then plan. An "if-then" plan means using an "if-then" phrase to help you break a bad habit. Someone who drinks too much when out with friends might say "If my friends ask me if I want a drink, then I'll say I'm only drinking water." Make your own "if-then" plan for ogling, deciding ahead of time what you'll do if you realize you're ogling people as they walk by. For example, you might decide that if you start to ogle, then you'll get out your phone instead. Or if you start to ogle, then you'll strike up a conversation with the person with you.

Ask someone to hold you accountable. Ogling can be a hard habit to break because it's easy to do without anyone noticing. Ask someone you spend a lot of time with to hold you accountable. They can watch you to see if you're ogling and point it out when you are. Having someone else hold you accountable can help you recognize the habit and break it. You might want to come up with a code word or signal for when your friend needs to point out your ogling. Just saying, "Stop ogling that person!" can be embarrassing in public. Instead, agree on a phrase that's code for "Stop ogling," like, "There's going to be rain later."

Consider seeing a counselor. This can be really helpful if you really can’t stop ogling other people no matter how hard you try. A counselor can help you the underlying issues that are causing you to ogle. To find a counselor, check your insurance company’s website – you should be able to find doctors listed there who are covered by your insurance. If you don’t have insurance, your city or county might have free clinics. If you’re a university student, the use of their counseling services are usually included in the tuition and fees you pay.

Understanding Why You Ogle

Recognize that it’s a habit. The urge to ogle isn’t a force of nature you can’t fight. It can feel that way because the invitation to look at other people is so ingrained in the movies, tv shows, and magazines that are available. But the sooner you acknowledge that ogling is something you can stop doing, the sooner you can work to not do it!

Stop habits that feed into ogling. This includes looking at magazines, watching movies and TV shows, etc, for the sole purpose of ogling the people you see there. If you’re doing it at home/from afar, you’re more likely to do it in person, too.

Be patient. Breaking bad habits can take up to 28 days. If you falter while you're trying to break the habit, don't get too down on yourself. Keep trying, and you just might be able to break the habit.