Respond to their story.
If they don’t follow you, watch their story and reply to that. When you DM someone who doesn’t follow you, your message will be sent to a different inbox that they’re unlikely to check. Watch their story and then choose an element to respond to. This way, you can establish that you have some mutual interest or belief right off of the bat! For example, if she posts a story about the new ramen place in your town, you might say, “Omg, you got into the new ramen spot? Was it as good as it looked?” If she posts about a concert she went to, you could DM her, “How do you know about this band! Nobody I know is into them. I loved their recent album.” If she shares a bunch of photos about a night out with some mutual friends, you might say, “How do you know Jamie and DeAndre? Are you going to their party next week?”
Ask a noninvasive question.
A good question might make her more likely to reply. If she doesn’t know you at all, there aren’t a whole lot of good reasons for her to respond to your DM if you don’t give her something to respond to. People generally enjoy answering questions, so look at one of her recent posts and find something to ask her about. If she posted a video with a song in it, you might DM her, “Hey! I really like that song in the video you took at that bar. Do you know the name of it?” If she posted a photo of a recent meal she had, you could say, “That burger looked sooo good. I need a new burger joint in my life.” On an artsy photo she took, you might ask, “What filter did you use on that photo of the skyline? Your photos always look so good. Mine never come out that way haha.” If she took of a photo of something related to her hobby, you could ask her, “You’re into knitting, right? I saw that sweater you made. I’ve always wanted to try it, but I’m not sure where to start. Any advice?”
Lean on a mutual interest.
If you have something in common it’s a lot easier to connect. She’s going to be way more likely to interact with you if there’s something about you that she already identifies with. If you go to the same school or frequent the same social circles, lead with that. You could also lean on a shared political belief, a hobby, or a favorite film, too. Give something like this a shot: “Did you go to St. Sebastian’s Middle School? You were a grade above me, right? Do you remember that mean lunch lady who used to yell when people asked for more food?” “Omg, you might be my soulmate. I thought I was the only one around obsessed with pet hedgehogs. I’ve always wanted one. Are they hard to take care of?” “I saw you mention in one of your videos that you play volleyball every week. I’ve been looking for a good co-ed league. You’re in Edmonton, right? Any recommendations?” “Hey, I saw you posting about board games. Are you a fan of Settlers of Catan? I just got into it but I’m awful.”
Hit her with a joke.
If you can make her laugh, you’ll win her over in no time. Scan her posts to see if you can get a sense for her taste in humor. If she’s super into puns, hit her with some witty wordplay. If she appears to have a fondness for corny jokes, don’t be afraid of getting goofy. Just watch out for sarcasm—it’s super hard to communicate that over a DM. You might try: “What did the ocean say to the beach?” When she responds with “What?” say, “Nothing, it just waved.” Throw out the waving hand emoji and introduce yourself. “Did you hear that joke about the random guy sliding into DMs to try and strike up a conversation?” You could also just send her a super funny meme without context. That might be a good way to pique her interest!
Try a more creative approach.
If you want to stand out from the crowd, try a more novel approach. This is a good plan if you’re DMing a girl with a ton of followers since she likely gets a lot of random DMs and you want to stand out. Unique DMs can take many shapes and forms, so come up with something that reflects your personality. You might try: “Hey I’m doing a survey on whether random people respond to DMs. Are you available? This is real cutting-edge research here.” Send her dog emoji. Then, send her something like, “Bugsy! Get back her! Oh, sorry, my dog just got out of the yard. Anyways, what’s going on?” “I’m shy. If we’re going to have a conversation, you’re going to need to start.”
Send her a compliment.
If you want to flirt without crossing a line, throw out a sweet compliment. You can totally comment on something physical if you’d like—Instagram is like 80% selfies to begin with, so it’s not completely inappropriate. However, aim to keep the tone sweet and sincere as opposed to creepy or over-the-top. You might try: “I love that dress you’re rocking in your last post. That’s a really cute look!” “I don’t know how many times you took that selfie before you picked the one you just posted, but you totally nailed it.” “You’re so smart. You’ve got to join my friend group’s trivia team. We’d sweep the floor!” “That last selfie you took is lit. You really nailed that ‘Katy Perry meets 80s chic’ look.”
Be straight up and ask her out.
If you’re on the older side and you’ve got a crush, just put it out there. DMing a girl you like on Instagram is a pretty laid-back way to shoot your shot. If you’re a little on the older side, just lay your cards on the table and see what they say. Don’t be inappropriate or anything, but just tell the truth! You could say: “Sorry if this is super forward, but you seem super cool and I’d love to take you out for coffee some time.” “I saw we matched on Bumble, so I figured I’d hit you up here. I’m loving all of your puppy posts—what’s your dog’s name? I’d love to grab a drink sometime if you’re interested!” “Hey, I’m just going to put this out there. You’re cute. I’m cute. Let’s go out sometime. If you aren’t interested, no worries!” “I’m going to kick myself if I just don’t say it, so I’m just going to say it. I’ve got a crush on you and we should hang out sometime.”
Go for a cheesy pickup line.
Make her giggle with a goofy pickup line can be a fun approach. Everyone loves a bad pickup line. Either she leans into it and plays along, or she gets a good laugh out of it and you can recover gracefully by playing it off like you were kidding. This is an especially good choice if she has a bit of an ironic or goofy vibe to her posts. You might try: “On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you lack.” “Are you a good cuddler? I’m starting a cuddling club, but so far I’ve only got one member.” “Someone told me you like bad boys. Well, good news for you, I’m bad at everything.” Throw in a little winy face emoji to let her know you’re being sarcastic.
Get her number.
If you’ve been commenting back and forth for a while, use a DM to get the digits. The faster you can get off of Insta, the better. Instagram is great for sharing photos and having casual conversations, but it’s not the best medium for getting to seriously know someone. If the two of you have commented back and forth and you think you’ve got a good thing going, ask for her number in a DM. You might try: “Hey, we should actually chat, like IRL. Here’s my number (insert number). Shoot me a text if you want to chat.” This is best for a more laid-back, friendly vibe. “You know, I’d normally just keep chatting online but we’ve got some good energy. We should actually chat sometime. What’s your number?” This is a good middle ground if you want to hint that you’re romantically interested. “You seem cool. Would you be interested in grabbing some drinks sometime? I’m about to go out, but here’s my number (insert number) if you want to shoot me a text.” This is a good straightforward approach if you want to ask her out at the same time.
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