Becoming Friends
Be confident and self-assured whenever you’re around him. When you have a crush, it can definitely be hard to not geek out when he comes around, but try your best to stay calm and to remember that he is just a normal guy. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact and smile at him. Note: Don’t get too crazy with the eye contact, though! If you stare at him for too long, that could weird him out. In general, break eye contact after 4-5 seconds.
Embrace your interests and hobbies to show that you have a great personality. It’s totally okay to have your own opinions and to like whatever things you are passionate about, even if you feel like those things aren’t “cool.” Don’t pretend to like things you don’t just to try to impress someone. Guys can tell when you’re being fake. It’s okay to have different opinions or to disagree with the guy you like, too. If something comes up in class, don’t be afraid to speak out for what you believe in. This makes you seem like you have your own thoughts and would be an interesting person to talk to.
Become friendly with his group of friends. It’s much more likely that the guy you like will like you back if his friends think you’re fun. Don’t be afraid to talk to them in class, in the hallway, at lunch, or at after-school activities. Ask them about their hobbies, talk to them about homework assignments, and mention when you notice things you have in common, like enjoying the same books or movies. Think about how you become friends with anyone—generally, you find a common interest and start talking about it. Be friendly, smile, and ask them questions about themselves.Warning: Be careful to not be too flirty with any of his friends. That could send mixed signals or even make one of his friends fall for you instead!
Have a sense of humor and show off your fun side. Be willing to take chances and do new things, even if you feel scared or anxious. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself or to make jokes in front of the guy you like. Having a good sense of humor and being fun-loving are really attractive qualities! For example, if your class needs volunteers for an activity, don’t be afraid to get up in front of everyone and help. If you do something embarrassing, try to laugh it off and turn it into a joke. This will show that you don’t take yourself too seriously.
Ask him open-ended questions to get to know him better. It’s really easy to talk about yourself, but when you’re trying to get to know someone better, try asking them questions about themselves instead. Open-ended questions are ones that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer; they’re great at getting people to share! Try out some of these questions: What did you think of the book we had to read for English class? What was it like having so many practices for soccer over the summer? What do you like to do on the weekends? What are your favorite TV shows right now?Tip: Put your phone away when you’re with him. In a world where we always have our phones out, putting it away so you can focus on what he is saying can communicate a lot about your feelings.
Flirting and Spending Time Together
Compliment him about his personality, intelligence, and looks. Complimenting him shows that you’re paying attention. Try to keep your compliments short and direct and then let it go. He may respond by saying “thanks,” or he may just smile at you. For example, you could say something like, “I thought you did a great job giving your presentation in class today.” To compliment his looks, say something like, “Your new haircut looks really good,” or “That sweater really brings out the color of your eyes.” To be a little more flirty, you could say something like, “You always make me laugh!”
Break the touch barrier to see how he responds. Making appropriate physical contact, like touching his arm or shoulder, is a great way to gauge how he feels about you. If he smiles and doesn’t draw away from you, that shows he is okay with your affection. If he does pull back, that means he isn’t interested in being that close to you. Small moments of physical contact can help build up more of a bond between the two of you, even if it’s just a friendly one.
Get his number and text him to talk more outside of school. For your first text to him, say something like, “Hey Josh, this is Ryan. What are you up to?” To start other conversations, you could ask what he thought of school that day, if he started his homework yet, or what he is doing that evening. If he sends back really short texts or doesn’t respond at all, don’t send him multiple texts in a row. Just let it go until he reaches out to you or until you have another legitimate reason to text him.Tip: If you’re nervous about asking for his number, use a class assignment as an excuse to get it. Say something like, “Can I get your number? I know I’m going to have questions about the homework assignment.”
Encourage him and remember important details. Pay attention to what is going on in his life, like a big test, a sports game or competition, or even something fun, like a vacation. Mention these things when you see him in person. If you have his phone number, you could even send him an encouraging text. For example, you could send him a text that says, “Good luck at the game tomorrow!” Follow up on important events by asking about them. For example, try saying something like, “I hope you had fun at the away game over the weekend. How did things go?” Before a big test, you could write him a note that says, “Good luck on the test! I know you’ll do well.”
Plan a study date to spend one-on-one time together. You could study together at school during a free period or after school at one of your homes, a coffee shop, or the library. Send him a text or catch him after class to ask him to get together. Try to be casual and breezy about it, even if you feel really nervous. Try saying something like, “Hey Bryan, want to get together this Wednesday to get ready for the History test?” If he says yes, that’s great! Just set a time and place to meet. If he says no, try not to take it personally. Maybe he already has a busy schedule or doesn’t plan to study at all. This can work well for things other than class, too. Any shared activity, like band, drama, sports, or student council can be used as an excuse to get together to practice or plan.
Arrange group dates with friends for a low-key hangout option. Group dates are a great way to get to spend time with the guy you like and for him to see you in a casual setting. Get a group of friends together to go to the movies, a party, a sports game, or for something fun, like a bonfire or game night. Invite him along, and tell him to bring some friends, too. Try saying something like, “Hey Malik, me and my friends are having a game night this Friday. You and your friends should come. I’ll text you the details.”
Keeping the Momentum Going
Send him a text after you hang out to gauge how he is feeling. This is a great way to test the waters after you’ve seen the guy you like, whether you were studying together or simply at the same event. Don’t text him right after you saw him—instead, wait about 24 hours so that you don’t seem too intense. Send a text that says something like, “It was cool to see you out the other night. I hope you had a good time.” You could also say something more forward, like, “I had a great time hanging out with you last weekend. Hope we can do it again soon!”
Tell him that you like spending time with him. This is a little less risky than coming right out and saying, “I like you.” It’s a nice way to compliment him while letting him know you feel fondly toward him. No one ever minds hearing that someone enjoys their company! At the end of a hangout, simply say, “This was fun. I enjoy spending time with you,” and smile at him. If he asks you to do something, say, “Yeah, that sounds like fun. I like hanging out with you.” You could even send him a simple text that says something like, “I enjoyed studying with you the other day.”
Keep asking him to hang out so you can get closer to him. As long as he keeps agreeing to spend time with you and seems to enjoy your company, keep hanging out with him and talking on a regular basis. Before you know it, he may even be coming to you and asking you to hang out. Be careful if this guy seems like a bit of a flirt. It’s possible that he could have several other people that he hangs out with regularly that are also interested in him. You want to keep your heart safe and not put yourself into a position where you’re just chasing after him without an end in sight. If you sense that he may be playing the field, take a step back and wait to see if he pursues you. If he doesn’t, you may want to take it as a sign to move on.
Be patient and don’t stress if things seem to be moving slowly. Remember, getting to know the guy you like and figuring out if he is developing feelings for you might take several weeks or longer. People don’t always develop romantic feelings quickly. Do your best to focus on being his friend and on keeping a positive attitude. If you get really impatient and need to tell him that you like him to see if he feels the same way, you can totally do that. Just be prepared to accept his response, whether it’s positive or negative.
Remember your self-worth, no matter what happens. Hopefully, after a few weeks or months of spending time together, the guy you like will be seeking you out and you can move into a more serious relationship. But even if that doesn’t happen, remember that there is nothing wrong with you, your personality, or your looks. Sometimes, the fit just isn’t right, for whatever reason. If you get your heart broken, take a few weeks to really focus on yourself, your hobbies, and your friends. Remember that it’s okay to feel sad, and eventually, you’ll feel like yourself again.
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