Becoming More Likable
Define your intentions. Do you want to have a serious girlfriend, several female friends you can hang out with, or is this your first time talking to a girl? It’s okay if you don’t know what you want as long as you remain respectful. Trying to get into a serious relationship is a lot different than just finding a girl to sit with at a cafeteria. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Avoid following stereotypes that you see on tv or the movies. There is no set of rules to getting girls. Do what comes natural and treat every girl that you talk to the way you would want to be treated. If you get rejected, don’t lash out or talk behind her back. Learn from your experience and move on.
Shower and dress well. Some boys mature faster than others. If you play a lot of sports or sweat a lot, make sure that you start to wear deodorant. Always brush your teeth and style your hair before you go to school. Even if girls don’t say it to your face, they may still be forming an opinion about you. Put your best appearance forward. Always keep up your appearance even if you’re not at school because someone might see you without you noticing. You don’t want to smell and look like a slob and have her best friend see you at the grocery store. You want every opportunity to look your best. Make sure you have deodorant in your locker or in your bag especially if you are on a sports team or have phys ed.
Become friends. Hormones will develop differently for everyone but that doesn’t mean you can’t be respectful and get to know each other. Be careful that you don’t fall into the friend zone. Be friendly and say hi whenever you see her. Say her name and make sure she knows yours. Begin to ask her how her day is once you know each other's names. Pay attention to her and wave whenever you make eye contact. Don’t stalk her but always acknowledge her with a friendly smile. You just need to get noticed and establish that you are a good person.
Flirt with her a little. Stay out of the friend zone by flirting a bit. Have some light chit-chat and try to get her to laugh. Make sure to maintain eye contact but don’t stare. Compliment her. You can compliment her outfit or her smile while also teasing her a bit. Joke around and break the touch barrier. Make small talk. You won’t ask her out the very first time you meet her so have some small talk and put both of you at ease. There will be a lot you have in common but if you don’t know where to start, ask about a class you share or what she thinks of lunch. Don’t look at the floor or dawdle. If you are too nervous or have nothing to say, a simple ‘hi’ and ‘how’s it going’ will do.
Find out what you have in common. Learn more about her every chance you get. Don’t make her feel like she’s being interviewed. Let your questions flow from the conversation. For example, if you’re at a pep rally you may ask if she likes sports.
Read her signs. There may be common signs that she’s interested in you including: She pretends not to pay attention to you when you’re in a group. In contrast, she may only pay attention to you when you’re with other people. She smiles when you get her attention. She may also blush. Her friends may giggle when they see you together. You get a certain feeling when you talk to her. Other classmates tease you two about liking one another. She seems to find a lot of reasons for trying to talk to you or be with you.
Find the right place and time. Choose a private place to ask her out. You also don’t want her to be distracted with school or things happening at home. If you are alone, she won’t feel pressured by friends teasing her. You don’t want her to be uncomfortable in any way. This includes being worried about an upcoming test. Don’t wait too long. Don’t over think things. The right time may be when she is laughing with you after class.
Do something together. Find an activity that you both will enjoy together. Be prepared to have something in mind when you finally ask her out. Make sure she is comfortable doing the activity and it is something safe. For example, going to the movies or walking around the mall. You may also ask her to go to the school dance or a school play, to walk her home after school, or to go to a birthday together. Don’t distract her by talking about upcoming tests.
Get the approval of her family and friends. There may be cultural reasons why she is hesitant to go out with you, but regardless of her cultural background, always be respectful and get the approval of her family and friends. This gives everyone security and lets them know that you are considerate and responsible. Make sure to follow every requirement laid out by her family and friends. Bring her back earlier than her curfew and check in more than required. Choose a time and place that’s approved by everyone. Even offer to have a chaperone.
Be confident. Anxiety and being nervous is understandable, but if you’ve been genuine, respectful, and gotten to know her, you’ve got a good chance in getting her. Breathe slowly and keep your cool. You don’t want to act like someone you aren’t so just trust that she likes you for who you are.
Asking Her Out
Keep things simple. Smile and be polite. You don’t have to make a grand gesture because it will make her feel uncomfortable especially if other people see. Come up with one or two sentences and wait for her response. Speak from the heart and look into her eyes. Say something similar to “I really have fun with you and was wondering if we could hang out more?” or “We laugh all the time and I have such a great time hanging out. I was wondering if you’d go out with me?” Don’t stare at the floor or read from a paper.
React appropriately. Keep your emotions in check. If she says no, don’t get angry and yell or prod. If she says yes, embrace her, smile, and plan out your date. Let her see your enthusiasm but don’t go overboard to embarrass her. If she says no, that isn’t the end of the world. Not only are there other girls you can meet but you also want to show her that you are mature. She may say no because she’s embarrassed and not ready to have a boyfriend yet. She may ask you out later. Don’t damage anything or lash out at her if you get rejected. She is entitled to her feelings.
Ask her to dance. Middle school will often have several dances throughout the year. They are a great way to go out with her in a social setting as she expects to be asked out. This relieves any pressure. The vibe in a dance is more suited for you two to get to know each other as more than just friends. It may be difficult to hang out with her amidst all your friends watching and wanting to hang out. Make sure to have at least one or two dances to be alone together or schedule a time for a walk to just talk.
Write a note. If you are very nervous and find it overwhelming to talk to her, you may write her a note to get your thoughts and feelings organized. Make sure you give it to her directly so she knows it’s from you and not a prank. Don’t give it to her during class or the teacher may make you read it out loud. Don’t be nervous about rejection because you won’t see her reaction. You may ask her to respond with a note or a simple yes or no.
Talk to her friends. No one is closer than her friends. They will know how best to approach her. Be friendly to them and ask them how you should ask her. As a final attempt, you may ask them to ask her on your behalf. You may also ask your own friends to ask her if they know her better or are more confident with you. Just make sure you rehearse what to say so that your friend is clear.
Call her. Face-to-face conversations may be difficult so pick up the phone and call her. You may also text her but sometimes it’s difficult to get the meaning across. Make sure you have an activity in mind before asking her out this way. You also have to get her number from her friends or directly from her so she’ll probably know why you’re contacting her.
Give her a gift. While you don’t have to give her something expensive, a thoughtful gift may put you in her good graces. You may give her a cool notebook, a fun pen, a CD, or candy or chocolates. You may also place a note with your gifts so that she knows how you feel. Give the gift directly to her because if you give it to someone else, she may think it’s from her and not from you. You may also try to give her her favourite treat. This shows that you have paid attention to her needs and want to make her happy.
Avoiding Rejection
Avoid staring at her. She may get grossed out especially if she catches you constantly staring at her body. Always keep eye contact when you talk to her and don’t make her feel unpleasant or creeped out.
Don’t be clingy. You may come off as a stalker. It’s irritating to be everywhere she turns. Give her space and don’t constantly try to contact her. Be patient and confident that she will contact you because she likes you too.
Be humble. Don’t be arrogant or obnoxious. Avoid gloating about your life or trying to prove why you’re better than other people. Don’t put others down. Be yourself and respectful of others. However, you can tease her and be playful. She won’t want a pushover.
Ask her out when the time is right. Avoid putting off asking her out. She may feel that you’re not interested and move on. Let her know you have feelings for her as soon as you know. You may get frustrated as your feelings start to build and you have yet to do anything about it.
Find out if she likes you. Use your friends or ask her social circle if she has said anything about you. Depending on the size of your school, word may travel fast so make sure you ask her out as you get word from your friends.
Ask her out yourself. She may find it weird or creepy if you get someone else to ask her out. She may also think that you are too shy. You never know how she will interpret being asked by someone else especially if she doesn’t know that person.
Avoid going out with someone your friends don’t like. You may be a victim of relentless teasing and you may start to question your relationship. You also don’t want to lose friends or make her feel uncomfortable.
Hug in public. Don’t kiss in public because it may be against school rules. People may also see the two of you and may tell your parents. Kissing may be inappropriate at your age so play it safe and only kiss if it’s approved by her and both of your families. Make sure you see each other enough and don’t constantly hug. It’s good to have a few classes together and hang out for a while during lunch or break.
Establish boundaries with your parents. Your parents may get nosey and make her feel uncomfortable. You also may need their advice so don’t completely cut them off from your relationship. They can be great support if you establish clear lines. You don’t want them interfering.
Keep track of relationship milestones. It will be embarrassing if you miss anniversaries. Keep in mind that the beginning of a relationship can be filled with times to celebrate. Some girls may want to celebrate every day or every week. be sure you know what she wants and enjoy your time with her. Celebrate your firsts. For example, celebrate your first week together, first month together, and first class together.
Keep track of favorite movies, tv shows, music, and apps. She may get offended if you don’t share the same interests as her or put down what she likes. Have a few songs, shows, movies, or apps that you can enjoy together. Be careful how you use social media because rumors may quickly start if you post something questionable on your page or hers. For example, if you change your relationship status on social media status, make sure she’s on board or she may get teased by friends when they see it.
Respect the social standings. It may be difficult to go out with a girl who is more popular than you so make sure you carry yourself correctly. Recognize how she acts with her circle of friends and ask what you can do to fit in. It’s okay if you think that changing yourself isn’t worth it. Girls may be overly concerned by how others see them. Make sure you don’t ruin her reputation. Ask her what’s appropriate. Helping her enter another elite group can make her like you. For example, if you help her get into theater or cheerleading, she will see the value in your relationship.
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