How to Deal With Opinionated People

Confronting Respectfully

Figure out if you need to confront this behavior. Interacting with opinionated people is unavoidable, so, you’ll have to pick your battles wisely to make sure that you’re not engaging in verbal warfare when such people cross your path. Not every annoying comment needs to be dealt with. Also, it may not be in your best interest to try to confront a person. Is this an opinion worth spending your time disputing? Some opinions may be annoying but is pointless to argue. For instance, the science fiction community may likely never agree if Star Wars or Star Trek is the better franchise, and the die-hard factions are not likely to be swayed by any argument by the other side. In the end, it is a matter of personal opinion. Are you going to win this battle? Fighting the good fight is a laudable action. However, there are places and situations that your actions are not going to change anyone's mind and you will be impacted quite negatively (or worse, an innocent person) in the process. This also means your energy, time, and mood. Is this opinion hurting someone else? Calling out someone for a racist, sexist, bullying or otherwise harmful action or words is generally the right thing to do. Just having a different opinion may not be.

Confront the person in private, if possible. People tend to become very defensive if corrected in public, which may make the situation worse. If appropriate and possible, take that person aside and have the conversation in private. Having the conversation in public will only cause embarrassment and hurt feelings. Maintain a respectful tone. Your tone and attitude will be important if you want to take the step of addressing the situation with the opinionated person. Make sure your tone isn’t angry or sarcastic, and speak softly while maintaining a nonthreatening posture. If the other person gets angry, don’t raise your voice or get similarly agitated. Remain calm and restrained in your interactions. The worst way to interact with an opinionated person is to be combative and domineering. This approach will invariably lead to a game of one-upmanship to prove who knows the most or who can dominate the other. No one wins in this situation.

Model ideal conversational strategies. You can’t hold someone else to a standard that is higher than the one you use for yourself. Thus, for the know-it-all, you should model that you don’t know everything and that you recognize that admitting your shortcomings is not a sign of weakness. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Though you’ll feel as if the other person is causing the problem, you should resist the temptation to speak in an accusatory manner. Instead, frame your issue from your perspective. “I have been interrupted by you several times now” is better than saying “You talk all the time and you don’t respect me.” Listen as much as you talk. It is possible that the opinionated person will be angry or indignant that you are confronting him or her. If that happens, take a deep breath and make sure to listen and not talk over the other person. If you need to walk away before the conversation escalates, don’t be afraid to do so. Practice active listening. If the person is defensive and tries to explain his or her perspective, repeat what the person says to prove that you’re hearing the words accurately. You could say something such as, “I hear you saying that you don’t want to offend me and that I’m overreacting. But what you are saying is [sexist, racist, ignorant, hurtful], and I do not like it.”

Show respect during the confrontation. Even if the opinionated person is a buffoon who knows nothing about the topics he or she is spouting off about, you should always treat that person like a human being with sincere beliefs and feelings. Asking questions also signals respect. The opinionated person is less likely to dismiss your concern if it seems as though you are trying to understand their perspective. Examples of questions to ask during confrontation include: "How can I better communicate with you?" or "What do you think we both can do to improve our working relationship?" Arm yourself with facts. When confronting an opinionated person, it's important to demonstrate how their behavior is detrimental to others, including yourself. Share facts and figures about how workplace collaboration is diminished when one person runs the show, or, how friendships are broken when one person's voice isn't valued.

Responding Passively

Bite your tongue and smile. In some cases – such as when the opinionated person is in a position of authority over you – you’ll have little choice but to make the best of a bad situation. Reframe your conversations away from topics that make you uncomfortable. If you don’t want to talk about the topics that the opinionated person brings up, shift focus to topics that you are more comfortable discussing. It does not have to be something you are even interested in, just steer the conversation away from sensitive topics. Ask the person about his or her family or interests.

Have an exit strategy. If you know you’re going to have to spend time with an opinionated person, make plans for minimizing the time you spend together. At work, this could mean avoiding areas where that person is or having a reply prepared so that you can excuse yourself and leave the situation. At family events, plan activities that will allow you to avoid face-to-face conversations.

Establish healthy boundaries. If the opinionated person insists on talking about religion, politics, money, or any topic that makes you feel uncomfortable, attempt to privately tell that person that you don’t like to talk about such things and that you’d appreciate avoiding those discussions. Be firm. If the person keeps bringing up those topics, remind him or her that you don’t want to have that discussion. For example: "I'm so glad you have gotten so much from your faith. But I feel my belief in God is a private thing, and I'd rather talk about something else." Say something such as “I know you have strong opinions on that, but that topic makes me uncomfortable. I really don’t want to talk about it.” Or, simply deflect: "Let's talk about something lighter, huh? Tell me, how is that new baby of yours?"

Be tactful. If the opinionated person is constantly giving advice or trying to show you a better way to do something, simply respond with a respectful “Thanks for the suggestion” or “I appreciate you pointing that out to me.” If he or she is correct, you’ll want to follow the advice. If not, simply ignore it and do what’s best. Realize that you might find yourself reacting against the opinionated person. There might be times when the opinionated person really does know what he or she is talking about but is putting forth his or her opinions in an obnoxious or domineering way. In those cases, you might be tempted to ignore his or her advice, simply to make a point. Don’t let anger cloud your judgment. Resist the temptation to be passive-aggressive. Even if you don’t get into a shouting match with an opinionated person, you might be tempted to roll your eyes at them or mutter snide comments under your breath. Doing so will only increase the tension between you and the opinionated person.

Thinking Differently

Remember that having an opinion is OK. Many individuals are taught to not really have or express an opinion at all. If this is so, it can feel really uncomfortable to be around someone who not only has a strong opinion, but willing to clearly articulate this fact. And especially so if he or she finds lively debate enjoyable, even seeking it out unsolicited. This can be for a number of reasons: Cultural differences: Some cultures downplay frank open discussion on sensitive matters, while others treat it as rude not to talk out things. Gender upbringing. Women more often than men tend to be taught to be quiet and demure, not outgoing and outspoken. A woman who is articulate and outspoken may be considered domineering, while a man doing the same thing is often evaluated much more positively. Family upbringing. In some families, children are encouraged to speak up on opinions, while others are taught children are seen and not heard. Birth order can make a difference, too. Personality differences. Some people are more outgoing and judgmental, while others are more concerned with getting along with others and keeping an open mind than on making hard and fast assessments. One personality type is not better than another. The personality type well suited to being a judge may not be the same as one best suited for being a minister.

Remember that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. Different people do not see eye-to-eye on the same things. And sometimes this can be difficult for some people to handle. It seems so wrong for another person to feel the way he or she does! But here are some things to remember: Having a different opinion does not mean he or she is less than you. The opinion is not the same as the person. One can have the same opinion as you, but that does not necessarily make the person better than someone with a different opinion. Listening does not mean agreeing. Simply listening to another person's point of view does not mean you agree with him or her. It just means you are hearing him or her out. You do not have to engage in every argument you are invited to. Some people live to argue, but this can get exhausting. And you will not win every time. And it is OK to simply give a pass to arguments, especially if you have little or nothing to gain or a lot to lose.

Realize opinionated people might have no insight into their behavior. In most cases, an opinionated person isn't trying to be offensive and might wonder why people avoid him. If you offer empathy instead of judgement, you might be integral in helping him better understand his situation.

Try to get to know the person at a deeper level. If you already don’t like the person, it will be difficult to want to get to know him or her better. Even so, try to see the person as a human being, with a family and friends and a life. The more you get to know them as a person, the easier it will be to show empathy.

See the opinionated person as a potential resource. Since the opinionated person has no shortage of opinions to offer, you might be able to use whatever knowledge he or she possesses to your advantage. For instance, the person might know something about office dynamics where you work and be open enough to give you information that no one else will. If the person is a family member, he or she might tell you stories that everyone is too polite to mention. You might be surprised what you’ll learn.

Find common ground. Even if you find the person obnoxious, you almost certainly have areas of interest that overlap. If you don’t want to talk about politics, maybe you share an interest in music. Or, if you don’t want to talk about sports, maybe you can discuss adventures with family and parenting. Find those areas you have in common and focus on them.