Controlling Your Emotions
Avoid situations that trigger your emotions if you can. Notice what makes you feel upset, angry or frustrated. Think of how you could minimize these triggers in your life, then take precautions to help you stay out of these situations. Let’s say you notice that you become upset when you’re hungry, when you feel rushed, and when someone uses your personal items at school or work. You could avoid these triggers by carrying snacks, giving yourself extra time in your schedule to get tasks done, and keeping your personal items stored away when you aren’t using them. You won’t always be able to avoid your triggers. For example, getting a last minute assignment might make you upset, but you can’t stop your boss or instructor from giving you one. When this happens, relax your system by breathing deeply, counting to 10, or thinking of something that makes you happy.
Use positive self talk to help you process your emotions quicker. Catch your negative or anxious thoughts when they happen. Then, question the accuracy of that thought. Finally, replace that thought with a positive statement. If you do this consistently, it will help you maintain a calm, positive attitude. As an example, let’s say you catch yourself thinking, “I’m going to look stupid.” Ask yourself why you think that. Then, tell yourself, “I’m well prepared so everyone is going to see me as a success.”
Focus your attention on what you’re doing rather than your emotions. Think about the actions you’re taking and what’s next in the process. If your mind wanders, pull it back to the moment. Don’t think about anything but what you’re doing. Keeping your mind on what you're doing and not on how you feel can help you control your emotional response. Additionally, it helps calm down your body's natural reaction to emotions like stress or anger, such as tensing muscles, feeling a knot in your chest, or feeling like you need to cry. Let's say you're upset over feedback you received on an assignment. Instead of thinking about how you feel, name the actions you're taking. Say to yourself something like, "I'm turning on my computer. Now, I'm opening the file that holds my presentation for next week. I'm reviewing the slides I already have. Now, I'm creating a new slide."
Inhale and exhale to a count of 5 to relax your body when necessary. Close your eyes if you can. Next, slowly inhale as you count to 5 and hold for 1 second. Then, count to 5 as you slowly release the breath. Repeat 5 times to calm yourself down. As you breathe, focus your thoughts on your breath to help relax yourself faster.
Take a break if you need a moment to regain your composure. Walk away from the situation that’s making you feel upset or agitated. Make an excuse such as needing to use the restroom or wanting to retrieve a file or assignment. Then, take a few moments to regain your calm by breathing deeply, splashing water on your face, or taking a long sip of water. You might say, “I need to return to my office for a moment to get my meeting notes,” or “I’m going to get something from my bag. I’ll be right back.”
Follow a healthy sleep routine so you get a proper amount of rest. Being properly rested will help you remain calm in the face of stress, and will make it easier to control your emotions. Teens need 8-10 hours of sleep per night, while adults need 7-9. Here’s how you can help yourself sleep better: Go to bed at the same time each night, and get up at the same time every day. Turn down your thermostat before bed so it’s cool. Turn off your screens at least an hour before bed. Spend the hour before bed doing a relaxing activity to help you feel tired. Sleep in comfortable pajamas and bedding.
Limit your caffeine intake to avoid unnecessary anxiety. Caffeine increases your anxiety and makes you feel jittery. Additionally, it can release stress hormones in your body to create a fight-or-flight response. This makes you more likely to get upset or agitated. If you can’t live without coffee, you might switch out your regular coffee for decaf. Similarly, you can sip on caffeine-free tea, such as peppermint or chamomile tea.
Changing Your Behavior
Prepare yourself for things in advance so people see you’re serious. This also helps you perform well and appear accomplished, which makes you seem more professional. Plan ahead, and build your knowledge base about the topics you’re studying for work or school. Additionally, get all of your assignments finished before they’re due. Keep a planner or use the calendar in your phone to help yourself stay on top of things.
Show others that you're self-confident. Maintain good posture by standing up straight and pressing your shoulders back. Smile, keep your arms at your sides, and look at your surroundings. When you talk to people, focus on your talents and achievements, not your flaws. If you want to increase your confidence, do something small every day that makes you feel accomplished. You can also do more things you enjoy and take calculated risks. For example, you might try out for a sports team, enter an art show, or volunteer to take the lead on a project.
Be on time for work or school, as well as your appointments. Punctuality is essential if you want to appear serious and professional. Always be on time or early for things. Set an alarm or calendar entry on your phone to help you remember when you need to be places. Everyone encounters obstacles at one time or another. If you’re going to be late due to an emergency or unforeseen event, call ahead and let people know.
Be direct and concise when you’re communicating with others. Say exactly what you mean, and ask for what you need. Always be kind and respectful when you provide feedback, but don’t be vague because you think it will spare someone’s feelings. Additionally, don’t say more than you need to say. Don’t expect people to guess what you’re thinking. If it’s important, just tell them. Let's say you're working on a group project and think one person is holding up your progress. You might say, "Our group project is coming along, but I'm worried you aren't going to be finished with your part on time. Can you get it finished by tomorrow?"
Speak only when you have something meaningful to say. Avoid meaningless chatter, as talking too much can make people see you as unprofessional. Additionally, speaking less often will make your words carry more impact. Keep it professional by only sharing your best thoughts and ideas. For example, don’t add to workplace gossip or chat about topics like TV shows and sports. However, do speak up when you know the answer to a question or when you have a great idea to share.
Give people affirmative responses, even if you need time to think. Appearing to be unsure can make you look unprofessional or flaky. At the same time, you’re not going to have all of the answers. To protect your image, respond positively but buy yourself some time to think about what you’ll do or say next. You might say, “That’s a really great point. I’m going to think that over today and get back to you tomorrow with my response,” or “I appreciate your feedback. It’s given me a lot to think about.”
Avoid sharing personal details when it's inappropriate. Talking about your personal life too often or at the wrong times can make you look less professional. At the same time, talking about your life may help you bond with others. Choose the right times to share personal details about yourself, such as during lunch, breaks, and post-work or after-school events. During work hours or class, stick to topics related to work or school, as well as current events. Similarly, don’t gossip about others’ personal lives. People may perceive you as immature and unprofessional. If your friends or coworkers are gossiping, change the subject. You might say, “All I’m thinking about right now is our project that’s due next week. Have any of you started?”
Follow through on all of your promises and assignments. Do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it. Write all of your tasks and appointments in a planner or the calendar in your phone to keep track of everything. That way, nothing will be forgotten. If you don’t follow through, people won’t respect you because they’ll perceive you as being immature and unprofessional.
Creating a Professional Look
Choose work- or school-appropriate clothing that makes you feel confident. If you feel confident, you’ll appear more confident. Follow the dress code for your job or school, but add a personal flair, like jewelry or fun socks, that makes you feel good about yourself. Also, make sure your outfits fit in with the style of dress that’s popular with your peers. If you’re going to work, you might wear slacks or a skirt with a button up shirt or blouse. For a very sophisticated look, you might add a blazer or cardigan on top. If you’re still in school, you might choose well-fitting jeans and a trendy shirt or top that flatters your body shape.
Opt for tailored pieces to create an upscale look, even on a budget. Look for clothes that have structure from either the fabric type or the way they're sewn. Also, make sure your clothing fits well or have it tailored for a more flattering fit. For example, look for a fitted blazer that hugs close to your body for a nice work look. If you're in school, you might choose a structured jacket to make you look more put together. Check that your pants aren’t too long or too baggy. If they are, you might hem them or have them taken in.
Maintain good hygiene by showering daily and caring for your hair. If you get very dirty, bathe yourself more often. Keep your hair clean and styled how you like it. If you have a beard, trim it and keep it free of crumbs. This helps you put your best foot forward. If you sweat a lot, you might carry disposable wipes with you to clean up on the go.
Use body language to make yourself appear serious and professional. Stand or sit up straight, keeping your core engaged. Roll your shoulders back, and hold your chin tilted up. Additionally, keep your arms at your side so you appear more open. Finally, make direct eye contact with people when you’re talking to them or passing them in the hallway. When you shake hands with people, make sure you use a strong grip.
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