Are Men or Women More Likely to Be Unfaithful?

• Heterosexual men report cheating more than heterosexual women, but because these numbers are self-reported, they may not be entirely accurate.
• Moreover, not everyone defines “cheating” in the same way. Additionally, most studies fail to represent LGBTQ+ people or unmarried monogamous couples.
• People may cheat if they're unhappy in their relationship, have low self-esteem, want more variety in terms of partners or experiences, or if they're using drugs or alcohol.

Do men or women cheat more?

Men report cheating more—but the data isn’t clear-cut. In married heterosexual couples, 20% of men report cheating on their spouse, compared to 13% of women. However, the data isn’t black-and-white: it only considers married couples, not unmarried monogamous couples; it doesn’t represent LGBTQ+ couples; and which gender is more likely to cheat varies by age and definitions of cheating. In addition to all of that, it’s hard to get an accurate picture when the data’s all self-reported. In brief, men report cheating more, but this doesn’t mean they do, nor does it mean every man will cheat. Women actually report cheating more often than men between the ages of 18 and 29, but in every age group beyond this one, men report greater levels of infidelity. Men and women report cheating more often as they get older. Women’s infidelity peaks in their 60s, after which age the numbers drop, but men report cheating most in their 70s; the numbers drop as they age into their 80s, but not by much.

Women may cheat as often or more and just be better at hiding it. While data generally indicates that women are less likely to cheat than men, some researchers suspect the data could be skewed by the possibility that women are just more careful about covering their tracks. In most heterosexual relationships, women have more to lose if their partners find out they're cheating than their male partners do: in the event the affair precipitates a divorce, the financial strain and the pressures of single parenting would statistically be much greater for the woman than for her husband. Women are also more likely to experience domestic violence from male partners than men are from female partners, giving them less incentive to confess their affairs.

What counts as infidelity?

The definition of cheating varies, and can be emotional or physical. Infidelity refers to any act that violates the boundaries established between romantic partners, but those boundaries differ from couple to couple. Cheating could mean sexual intercourse, or it might mean hugging someone other than your partner; it might include emotional affairs or just physical ones, virtual infidelity, or only face-to-face affairs. Because people may come into a relationship with different views on infidelity, it's important to discuss expectations early on: what seems like no big deal to one person may be a huge deal to their partner. Some evolutionary psychologists posit that women tend to consider emotional affairs more serious than sexual ones, while for men, the opposite is true. The digital revolution of the past 25 years has made cheating way easier to do—as well as harder to define: is sexting infidelity? What about sliding into someone's DMs on Instagram? People have varying opinions. Thanks to dating apps, meeting (or even just chatting with) other people is easier and more convenient than it used to be: between 18-25% of Tinder users report being in a monogamous relationship while using the app.

Why do people cheat?

People may cheat due to relationship dissatisfaction. Affairs aren’t always symptomatic of a deeper underlying issue in a relationship, but frequently, they are. Someone may cheat on their partner if they’re experiencing communication issues in their relationship, or if they’re fighting a lot with their partner. They might cheat out of “revenge” if they’re angry at their partner or feel neglected by them, or they may view cheating as an escape from an unsatisfying partnership. Emotional affairs and sexual affairs alike may happen as a result of relationship dissatisfaction, though nothing warrants infidelity.

Someone may have a sexual affair out of a desire for variety. Even in amazing and committed relationships, affairs can still happen. Someone might cheat because they want to have sex with someone “different,” or they may feel that they can explore certain kinks or expand their sexual horizons with someone other than their partner. This may be the rationale behind infidelity among couples with mismatched libidos.

Some people may cheat because they have low self-esteem. People who think poorly of themselves may believe the exhilaration of an affair will boost their self-esteem and make them feel more in control of their lives. This rarely works—people who cheat to feel better about themselves usually end up feeling worse. They may have an affair if they believe they are unworthy of their primary partner, or because they don’t believe their primary partner could love them.

People may cheat when they’re not in their right mind. Drugs, alcohol, stress, or peer pressure can trigger unexpected behavior in a person, including infidelity. Getting “caught up in the moment” can lead to a person engaging in sexual or romantic activity that they ordinarily would consider a big deal, but due to the lack of inhibition, they no longer think it’s that serious. “Once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t always true, especially for situational cheaters for whom cheating may really just be a “one-time thing.”

Can a relationship survive infidelity?

A relationship can heal from an affair with lots of time and patience. Infidelity is a deep, painful betrayal, and many couples break up from it. That’s totally OK. But some couples are able to slowly rebuild trust between one another with lots of patience and time, as long as the person who had the affair shows remorse and the offended party is able to forgive them. Attending couple’s counseling (and, perhaps, individual counseling as well) can help a couple gradually heal the rift the infidelity caused. In fact, many times, couples therapy may help to elucidate cracks that were present in the relationship for a long time prior to the affair.

How to Heal After Being Cheated on

Avoid judging yourself. Many times, a person who is cheated on will blame themselves, believing something they did must have “made” their partner cheat, or that the signs were there that their partner was a cheater but they just didn’t see them. If you’ve been cheated on, be gentle with yourself. It wasn’t your fault. Be kind to yourself after learning your partner has cheated. Take a day off to reflect and mourn, and reach out to someone you trust for support, like a friend or family member.

Rely on your support system. Your support system might include your friends or family, or maybe a therapist. Turn to your loved ones as you come to terms with the reality of what has happened and figure out your path forward.

Do what you need to do to move on—but don’t feel rushed to act. Everyone deals with infidelity differently. Some people choose to leave their partner who had an affair, while others may try to repair their relationship. There’s no “wrong” answer here—you need to do what you need to do to move forward. You don’t need to make a decision in a heartbeat. You might need time and space away from your partner after their affair to process your feelings and understand what you want to do. Even if the people around you think you should do things differently, ultimately, the person who knows best is you. Listen to what your heart says. But no matter what happens or what you choose, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. We promise.

Final Thoughts

The stats say men cheat more, but that doesn't mean all men will cheat. Though the statistics point to men as the gender that cheats most (in heterosexual relationships, anyway), don't take that as a guarantee that all men will cheat (or that women won't). The group of people surveyed for the studies cited in this article don't represent the entire world or even the entire nation, and there are a lot of other factors that contribute to whether someone will be faithful or not besides their gender. Moreover, though infidelity is a devastating betrayal, it is possible to move on after you or your partner cheats. Some couples even report feeling closer to one another after infidelity—not because of the infidelity, but because the work the couple did to rebuild their trust after the affair resulted in greater levels of intimacy than they had prior to the infidelity.