Find what you have in common.
You’re probably more similar than you think. You might have a lot of differences, but you also probably have a lot of common interests. Successful dating relies on sharing and enjoying life together. Build confidence in your relationship by discussing and focusing on these commonalities! These can range from major opinions like lifestyle choices to smaller ones like favorite cuisines. Differences are not bad! That being said, common interests can ground you both when you feel like the differences are huge. Ultimately, it's going to come down to figuring out what your shared values are. Hone in on your common values, as they are usually things that can make or break a relationship.
Celebrate your differences.
Generational differences can be a way to bond over new things together. Being a few years apart from each other will likely mean you have different cultural upbringings. These might range from pop culture references to political opinions. Use these differences as opportunities to share your interests and learn from each other! For example, if she plays a Rihanna album on a car ride, listen to it with her. Follow it up with a Madonna album! Teach each other about your histories. Make an effort to respect each other’s perspectives. Don’t let biases divide you. Show her that you're comfortable and confident in the situations and social circles she might surround herself with.
Keep up with her lifestyle.
She might lead a faster-paced life than you. Because you’re in different stages of life, the two of you might like doing different things for fun. Try sharing her hobbies and interests with her! See this as an opportunity to engage in activities or conversations you wouldn’t get to with people your age. For example, the two of you might have different ideas of what a fun Friday night looks like. If she wants to go out on the town, go with her! Then, ask her if she’d join you for a homemade meal next Friday night. You don’t have to compromise all your pleasures for hers! Share your lifestyles.
Meet her friends and family.
Make an effort to fully integrate yourself into her life and the people in it. There’s a common fear amongst couples with an age gap that the friends and family of the younger partner won’t approve of the older partner. Don’t let these anxieties stop you! Be your most authentic self in front of them and show them that you genuinely care for each other. She may be more hesitant to introduce you than you are to meet them. Don’t pressure her, but tell her that you would really appreciate meeting everyone in her life. Chances are, you’ll get along with her parents just great, especially if there’s less of an age gap between you and them than they have with her! Prove to her friends that you’re more than your age by being fun and outgoing with them! Get them to trust you and see you as one of them.
View her as more than her age.
Neither of you should be defined by your age. You probably don’t want your age to be the only reason a younger woman is interested in you. In the same way, she probably doesn’t want her age to be the only reason you’re interested in her. At the end of the day, this is a relationship between two unique individuals. Don’t let numbers get in the way of that! If you value her for her age, just remember that she’ll get older, too. Youth doesn’t last forever, so focus on valuing her for her as a person beyond her youth.
Emotionally engage with her.
A successful relationship can’t live off physical attraction alone. Perhaps you were initially drawn to this woman because she’s young and pretty. Of course! But you can’t build a relationship off sex and adoration alone. Chances are, she wants to build an emotional connection. Open up to each other and share your thoughts and feelings! If you feel that most of your interactions revolve around sex, try doing something different. Go out to dinner and a movie. Take her on regular, real dates once in a while. Ask her about her life! Talk about upbringings, aspirations, and passions with each other.
Provide her with a feeling of stability.
She may expect a certain level of maturity from you. You might’ve heard the stereotype that young people only want older partners for their money. However, this is more myth than reality. Older people just have more life experience than people their own age, so they’ve learned how to live within their means. Show her you can handle your own money! You don’t have to be rich or constantly giving away money. Being financially independent and smart about spending are sexy in their own way! You’ve probably heard of the “sugar daddy/mommy” stereotype. Everyone likes being spoiled, but your girlfriend probably wants more out of your relationship than money. Making her feel safe and secure with you isn’t only about finances. Show her your emotional maturity as well by being realistic and not impulsive.
Treat each other equally.
Don't let your age difference create a power imbalance. Age gap couples can sometimes have inherent power imbalances when it comes to decision-making. Rather than letting your seniority make you the “leader,” put aside your age difference and give your younger partner as much say in the relationship as you have. Work together to solve problems and make choices as a team! This stereotype especially applies to older men with younger women, though there is still an inherent imbalance between older women and younger women. Catch yourself when you say or do something along the lines of “I know what’s best.” Stop yourself, and ask your girlfriend what she thinks.
Ignore negative comments.
Don’t let prejudices or preconceived notions define your relationship. The truth is, people might judge your relationship. Just remember that they know nothing about the bond you two are building together, and that they’re in the wrong for completely basing their opinions on offensive stereotypes. Sometimes it can help to use humor when you’re confronted with snide comments. Doing this can lessen tension and prove that you’re secure in your relationship. For example, if someone accuses you of having “robbed the cradle,” tell them she’s the one who robbed the senior living home!
Know that the age gap feels less prominent with time.
40 and 25 feels like a bigger difference than 55 and 40. “15 years younger” has different connotations depending on the context of how old both of you are. As you both get older, your girlfriend will eventually start going through the life stages you’ve already gone through and essentially “catch up” in terms of life experience. For example, a woman in her 20s might not totally know what she’s doing with her career or finances. A woman in her 40s will probably have these things figured out. If you start dating when you’re both already in later stages of life, you might already have more in common than you think!
Talk about the future together.
You might have different goals at your respective points in life. In any relationship, it’s important to discuss what your next moves together are. But with an age difference, you might encounter differing views, as your “futures” are closer or further away. Don’t avoid talking about major life decisions together, like marriage or moving.. Respect the fact that she is younger, and may still want to have certain experiences that you wanted at her age. If you disagree about something now, don’t worry: both of your opinions may change with time. This can be an ongoing discussion! In the case that you have differing ideas about the future, neither of you should pressure the other into fitting one person’s ideals. Instead, try forging a new path together.
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