Snappy One-Liners
Drop a short and spicy comeback to shut them down. Let the other person think they’re getting the last laugh before hitting them with a savage one-liner. Whether you’re playfully arguing with a pal or confronting your arch enemy, these comebacks are sure to put them in their place and remind them not to mess with you again: “Sorry, I don’t talk to peasants.” “Don’t be bitter. Be better.” “If you were a spice, you’d be flour.” “Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.” “What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.” “You should come with a warning label.” “I hope you accidentally step on a Lego.” “Sorry, I thought I was talking to an adult.” “You might be older, but you’re not wiser.” “You’re so wrong that you’re almost right.” “Been called worse by better, sweetheart.” “You’re as interesting as a piece of paper.” “I’m jealous of everyone who hasn’t met you.” “You’re proof that God has a sense of humor.” “I would hit you, but I’m against animal abuse.” “Be still. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.” “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.” “It’d be awesome if you used glue instead of Chapstick.” “After meeting you, I get why the divorce rate is so high.” “If you’re afraid of success, you have nothing to worry about.” “Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice.” “I’d love to insult you, but it won’t be as good as what nature did.” “I was going to make a joke about your life, but it looks like life beat me to it.” “If opposites attract, I hope you meet someone who’s kind, smart, and attractive.”
Sarcastic Questions
Fire back with an sassy question to leave them speechless. If you’re in the middle of an argument (or roast battle), use any of these lines to catch the other person off guard. They’re clever, creative, and guaranteed to create a “mic-drop” moment! “Where’s your off button?” “If I give you a penny, will you leave?” “Remind me: Am I supposed to care?” “You want to hear a good joke? Your life.” “Did God make you with his eyes closed?” “I’m stupid? I was trying to act like you today.” “Genuine question: How do you still have friends?” “Do you hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.” “Were you born this dumb? Or did you take lessons?” “What do you want to be when you grow up? A loser?” “I’m busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?” “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.” “I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt yours?” “You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?” “Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon, or is that everything?” “You must be a magician. How did you escape from the circus again?” “Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only did that behind my back.” “How did your parents break the news that they adopted you from the zoo?” “Can I get the name of your dermatologist? I need to know where not to go.” “Are you going for the “messy clown” look? If so, you still overdid the eyeliner.” “Do you want to see something ugly? Go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.” “Do you ever get the urge to tell someone to shut up? Because that’s what I’m feeling right now.”
Argument Enders
Bring up their lack of intelligence to end the conversation with a bang. Looking for a unique and savage way to call someone stupid? These epic one-liners are sure to shock the other person into silence! It’s especially funny if both of you are stellar students, but take caution—it might be too personal if they’re falling behind in school. “I believed in evolution until I met you.” “Must be nice to never use your brain.” “You’re as useful as a chocolate teapot.” “One of the two of us is dumber than me.” “I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you.” “Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.” “You’re the low-wattage bulb in the lamp of life.” “If you had two brains, you’d be twice as stupid.” “Don’t worry about me. Worry about your grades.” “You’re the type of person to reply to spam emails.” “I don’t have the time or crayons to explain this to you.” “You’re the reason why we have directions on toothpaste.” “God might love you, but everyone else thinks you’re stupid.” “You have just as many chromosomes as you do brain cells.” “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.” “I’d spell things out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABCs.” “If I got a dollar every time you said something smart, I would be broke.” “I would say you’re dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open.” “Our brain isn’t fully developed until we turn 25, but I guess yours just gave up.” “Tell me what it’s like to hold the Guinness World Record for dumbest person on the planet.” “There’s no point in making fun of you because it would take an entire day for you to figure it out.”
Sick Burns
Spit out an iconic burn if they mention your looks. If a bully or hater criticizes your physical appearance, it’s time to respond with your most cutthroat comeback. Throw out a giggle or smirk while you say it to really hit home. Or, deliver it with a friendly expression if you’re chatting with a loved one—you don’t want to accidentally strike a nerve! “You look like a “before” picture.” “You have the perfect face for radio.” “If ugly was a day, you’d be an entire year.” “If I had your face, I would sue my parents.” “You might be older, but at least I’m prettier.” “At least I’m not built like a Roblox character.” “You’re not that pretty to be acting this stupid.” “You’re so ugly you’d make a happy meal cry.” “Check your makeup before you come for me.” “Your face looks like a bowl of mashed potatoes.” “Your opinion is almost as bad as your eyebrows.” “The only problem is that thing between your ears.” “The only person who thinks you're attractive is blind.” “You can be anything you want…other than good looking.” “You look like something that was left in the oven for too long.” “I’d give you a nasty look, but it looks like you’ve already got one.” “If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.” “If you look up “the ugliest person in the world,” your face comes up.” “You’re so ugly that they named the day you were born the uglypocalypse.” “I thought I caught the flu, but then I realized your face makes me sick to my stomach.” “I know people say you can just marry rich, but your mirror is telling you to study harder.”
Funny Roasts
Use a witty one-liner when you’re absolutely done with them. If the other person is invading your personal space, drop any of the following lines to get some alone time. Keep a deadpan expression if you’re actually annoyed, or throw out a wink or smile to avoid hurting their feelings. “Have a nice day…somewhere else.” “Please find somewhere else to exist.” “Spare me the pleasure of your company.” “Wait, stay right there. You’re best from far away.” “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.” “First, take a step back…and another…and another.” “I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.” “Do me a favor and fall into a black hole or something.” “You bring me so much joy…when you leave the room.” “This is an A & B conversation. Please C your way out.” “I know you’re going to go far. I just hope you stay there.” “Let’s play a game. For the rest of the week, don’t talk to me.” “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.” “Row, row, row your boat gently down a humongous sinkhole.” “I get so emotional when you’re not around. It’s called happiness.” “Some people bring joy wherever they go, but you bring joy whenever you go.” “I made a new version of hide and seek. It’s where you hide for the rest of eternity.”
Delivering Your Comeback
Listen to the other person and directly respond to their words. The trick to thinking of a quick witted comeback is to focus on what the other person is saying. Rather than memorizing a few one-liners, play off of their words to come up with a line that’s even more shocking and savage. For example, if the other person is being selfish, you might say, “I forgot the whole world revolves around you. My bad!” rather than mentioning their appearance or intelligence.
Utilize your facial expressions to deliver the ultimate burn. Raise an eyebrow, roll your eyes, or smirk to communicate that the other person’s words were utterly ridiculous. When you deliver your comeback, remember to push your shoulders back and keep your voice steady to appear confident. Feel free to use your hands to “shoo” them away or “zip” your lips together. If you’re talking to a friend or younger sibling, deliver your lines in a friendly and lighthearted way. A smile, giggle, or wink can reassure someone that you’re just teasing them.
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